The 1 brother, who is 34 now, started smoking cannabis at 14/15 then got onto cocaine & heroin & to feed his habit he would shoplift & steal from the family, cash or jewellery. My mum was pulling her hair out because of the damage it was doing to him & the knock on effect it had on the family, he was in & out of the Police cells for minor shoplifting & general petty stealing, my mother & father had tried everything they could to help him but he just didnt want it, it was only when they had reached their wits end & sat him down & said that they couldnt take what he was doing anymore or let it affect the family any further, they gave him an ultimatum, either clean up his act & get help or get out because they both knew he was on a very very slippery slope. Fortunately he was sensible enough to get help & to look at him now you would never say he had had anything to do with drugs. He's a settled man with a fiance, soon to be wife, running his own business, with his own home & planning for a family, he's a completely different person to the one he was & he hasn't touched any drugs since, Im proud of him because I know it was a fight for him to cut ties with the company he was keeping & to keep himself on the straight & narrow :o)
The 2nd brother, he's completely different. He started smoking cannabis at 16/17 & then got onto cocaine. He was living in Spain with my father but came back over to live with me, my mother & stepfather 7 months ago. He told my mum he was on it 2 months after moving in, she knew because she recognised the signs but at that time he was 'ok' behaviour wise & trying to get his life on track, she sat down with him & explained more in depth what had happened with my older brother & how damaging it was & offered to get him help, he promised he would disassociate himself from the 'friends' he'd got himself involved with & get into college etc etc. & everything was ok for a while, he was thinking about going into the Police or Fire brigade & because he's got the looks & build, modelling. Everybody helped him as much as possible, driving lessons, a car, help with a c.v, finding out info for the jobs he was interested in, everything, a full support system. My mum felt kind of guilty because of how things had been with my father & I think she blames herself so she gave him every oppurtunity & chance she possibly could. He didn't have a curfew as such, as long as he was in before 11/midnight & let my mother & stepfather know where he was things were ok.
Steadily his behaviour got worse, he was coming home at all hours of the night/early morning, no respect to anyone anymore, no interest in anything really, just dead to anything except going out or his girlfriend. Don't know how to explain it but there was no ambition or drive really anymore, he's quite happy to do a dead end minimum wage job because it's easy work & his boss doesnt seem to care if he turns up at 8am or 12pm. It was causing so many rows & so much tension that my mother gave him the same choice as she did my older brother, except this brother decided he'd move out, I say move out but he is in actual fact sleeping on a sofa with the people he does drugs with.
When he does turn up for work, which he has just had a final warning from his boss about, he works on a business park so afterwards is driving his car round like a complete idiot with his mates in the back, a car that isn't insured, isn't mot'd & he isn't licensed to drive. All while he's either just taken drugs or is coming down from them, he pays his rent which is minimal & for food, which is baked beans & bread & whatever he can scavenge off of other people, all the rest goes on drugs or drink, he gets through £150.00 in 2 days maximum, I know because he's asked to borrow money from me, my reply being if he's willing to get help I will buy him food or help him out but not give him money, if he got help my mother & stepfather would have him back home though.
It just makes me so angry because he could do so much with his life, he's 18 & before long it's going to be too late to do anything except a low paid dead end job, which is fine but I know & everybody else know's he's capable of so much more.
Maybe there's nothing in it but it just makes me wonder, especially after reading Tupc's post on cannabis (Whatever happened to teapot one? post) & the link he gave, if both of them hadn't started on cannabis whether they would have started on anything else? I don't know but I wish he would see what he's doing to himself, how he's throwing his chances away & pushing family away, maybe other people will think it harsh making him move out but there is only so much disruption, so many excuses you can make & so much people can put up with from one person before you reach your limit, both my mother & stepfather had done everything they could for him, I tried talking to him. He's lost contact with all of the decent friends he used to have & even they've tried helping him. I guess there is only so much you can do for some people. Maybe it's just a phase he's going through & this time next year he'll be completely different, I really hope so, for his sake more than anyone's but at the moment he's on a one way street & any offers of help etc he just isn't interested in, at all. It's useless giving him money as you know exactly what it will go on.
The last few posts now have been quite depressing & bleurgh but I promise it will be more light hearted in future! Just felt like getting a few things off my chest & venting my spleen I suppose :o)
And no matter how hard I try none of my posts will paragraph, ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!