Im 21, I love going out on the town with friends, I love wearing the latest fashions, be that short skirts, tight jeans & boots, clingy tops or corsets. I consider that to be reasonable, I don't go out looking like Ive just walked out of a glamour magazine or as though Im touting for business, I go out dressed fashionably & yes, sexy because I like to feel good about myself, but there are limits, I would never wear a skirt so short it showed the world & it's wife my delicates nor would I wear a top so barely there it was more of a bra than a top, there is a difference between dressing sexily & dressing downright slutty (& my mum would kill me if I ever did!)
If a girl goes out dressed in an extremely low cut backless top with no bra teamed with a bum baring skirt with only a thong underneath (or nothing, & yes I have seen a girl wearing the 'nothing', not a pretty sight) & stiletto boots then ok, she will obviously attract male attention & it certainly isn't my taste in clothes but I don' think she is 'asking for it'. If that girl then proceeds to go into a club or bar, start chatting to a particular man or a handful of men, start flirting, gradually getting heavier & heavier, she then allows him to buy her drinks, dances provocatively with him, kisses him, lets her hands roam all over his body & his all over hers, gives him the come on & gives the impression that the end result will be them sharing a bed at the end of the night. If she has been doing this say, for the past 4 hours that is alot of build up & alot of sexual tension. If she then, when it comes to hometime, says thanks but no thanks & then starts to walk home alone, obviously drunk then is she helping herself? She's walking home & all of a sudden there's the man she was dancing with back at the club, she smiles & asks what he's doing here, can't he get enough of her?! She carries on walking, stumbling every now & then, her top lower than it started out & her skirt higher than it started out, revealing more than she'd planned but hey, if you've got it flaunt she always says. She notices the man by her side again, except this time he's not so friendly, more pushy & she's not feeling so confident anymore so she starts to try & walk faster, then he grabs her, drags her down a side street & asks her is that how she gets her kicks? By teasing men then saying no? Well not this time he tells her, she's going to get what she asked for & tough. It doesnt take alot for him to force her legs apart with his knee, rip her thong off & unzip himself, he pins her against the cold rough wall with one hand holding a knife to her throat, telling her if she dare make a movement or sound it will be the last she ever makes, the other rips her top off, he then rapes her. When he's finished he pushes her to the ground & walks away, leaving her confused & panicked, in tears, completely shaken up & distraught. she gets up after a little bit, disorientated, confused & extremely distressed, feeling a mess because of the amount she's drank & realising in her alcohol addled brain she's just been raped but barely being able to remember what the man looked like, she sits there, finally struggling to her feet & holding her top together, stumbling towards the main street crying hysterically & screaming for help, saying to a passing couple through sobs & slurs that she's been raped, call the police, she wonders how this could have happened & wishes she'd never come out tonight, all she wants is to be at home curled up in bed safe & warm. As she's waiting for the police, the couple sat with her, all she can do is sob & try to make sense of what has happened, try to remember him, wondering why it happened.
Compare that to another situation. A woman is working late at the office, she is stressed due to working on a long & hard project & tonight is the finishing touches, she feels relieved but proud of her work. She thinks of her colleague & smiles, he's such a nice guy, friendly, helpful & a giggle too, she wonders to herself why he's single but has only ever thought of him as a friend personally & he knows that too, they laugh, chat & banter but they both know it will be nothing more than friends & work colleagues. Coincedentally he's working late that night too & noticing she is getting ready to leave asks if she fancies a drink at the pub across the road? She agree's, after all she's worked hard enough & it would be nice to just sit back with a glass of wine & unwind in some good company.
They make their way to the pub & end up staying for a few hours, until closing in fact, just talking, talking about work, colleagues & nothing in particular, using the time to wind down from work & look forward to the weekend. Last orders are called & they decide to call it a night, she gathers her coat & bag & prepares to call a taxi because although home isn't that far away she'd prefer not to take the risk at this time of night, alone & having had a drink or two. Her colleague then offers to walk her home, it isn't that far out of his way & he can catch the bus not far from her street, she thinks & decides yes, that makes sense, saves her a taxi fare & after all, she knows him, they're friends so where is the harm? They leave, he walks her to her door & after unlocking the front door & preparing to go inside she says goodnight & thank you. She goes to peck him on the cheek but he grabs her, forcing her inside, she is panicking now, asking what he's doing, why has he forced his way inside her home? He replies, saying she has been giving him the come on for months & its about time the teasing little bitch gave him what she's been promising him all these weeks, she protests, starts to really get scared realising what is about to happen, tries to reason with him, talk to him but he's having none of it, he pushes her down onto the floor & rips her clothes away from her, he then rapes her. She tries to scream but no noise will come, she wonders if this is really happening to her? Feeling the pain, the weight of his body, his breath against her ear, hears his grunts, feels the tight grip of his hands pinning her arms down, notices his aftershave, familiar somehow but not, not in these surroundings & this situation. He finishes, tells her he enjoyed their evening & he will see her next week. He lets himself out as she sits there, in the cold & dark wondering did she lead him on? Did she give out mixed signals? Is it her fault she is now in this situation? Realising she must call the police but feeling desperately ashamed & somehow responsible, guilty even, all she wants to do is scrub him off her, wash his smell away, his touch, wash HIM away but realising in her numb state she musn't, she needs to wait until she has seen the police, called them & reported him. Feeling sick to her stomach that somehow, surely she could have prevented this?
Both of these situations are different but the end result was the same, both women were forced to have sex, raped. But did either of them ask for it? Lead the man on? Send out the wrong signals? In the first situation I don't think she helped herself & I believe she is partially to blame, you cannot go out dressed like that, do what she did & then walk home alone expecting to be safe, maybe she should expect that & in a perfect world she would get that but this isn't a perfect world, there are men out there who won't take no for an answer, especially after the way she behaved.
The second situation? I don't believe she did ask for it, I go out for drinks after work with colleagues & I have done so, in a group but also alone with a male colleague, I know we are just work mates & friends. I don't give out anything that would signal anymore than that.
The word no should ALWAYS mean no, whatever the situation & however the woman is dressed/coming across, at the end of the day it is her choice as to whether or not she chooses to have sex. But do some women really help themselves? In some cases it isn't black & white & I believe that sometimes the woman is partially to blame, not wholly, partially. It takes two sometimes & I do wonder, if some women hadn't sent out the wrong signals or dressed to the point where they are showing their arse cheeks & worse whether they would have ended up being raped. I've seen girls dressed like that & I truly & honestly do not believe they are helping themselves & it is only a matter of time before they get into trouble.
Im not saying I'm lily white here because im not, I'm naturally cheeky & naturally flirty but I do always make it clear that it is only banter, either by mentioning that I have a boyfriend & am just one of lifes natural flirts & a bit cheeky or by putting a stop to things & backing off if it even hints at the man thinking he will be getting anything more out of me than just a laugh & a giggle, I also mak it clear & tell him bluntly that it is only a laugh & it won't lead to anything else, now or any other time. I also don't & wouldn't do anything physically unless I intended to follow it through, I believe that that is where the lines get blurred & where it can very easily & very quickly lead to a bad situation. I never walk home alone, I'll either get back home via a taxi or walk home in a group & becuase I generally always go out in a mixed group the men always make sure the girls get home safely before they get themselves home. I have the numbers of 3 taxi companies in my phone & if I know it's likely to be busy I'll book one in advance or stay at a friends. 1 of the numbers is for a female only cab company for when I'm in London & if they aren't available I always make sure I get a black cab, never a kerbncrawler. I realise it isn't that easy for everyone & that I'm lucky in quite a few respects but why do girls find it so hard to protect themselves by just taking the obvious precautions? By not walking home alone, not being a complete tease, not coming onto every man in her sight then backing off when the crunch time comes, not being completely irresponsible, drinking too much, or when something horrific does happen through her being a tease or being completely irresponsible, expecting other people to pick up the peices afterwards & blaming it entirely on the man. And don't even get me started on false accusations as that is a whole other story!
I hope to God I'm never unlucky enough to have to go to the police & say I've been raped, I know that it can happen to anyone in any situation & from anywhere but I truly believe that sometimes, with a bit of thought & a bit of responsibility & common sense, it could have been prevented. And I know I've used probably the most common scenarios above because there are multitudes of reasons & situations in which rape happens but without going into too great a detail they were the easiest to use & the most simple to get my point across. I hope I've made sense & I'm aware that some may find my words too harsh but it is what I believe & it is my personal opinion, I also think I can comment on this as I am a young female & I do go out on the town, as mentioned at the start.
It's just something I've always thought about & been aware of, especially recently & as I've got older which is why I thought I'd post about it :o)