14 May 2007

Strip Clubs, Lapdancers & Men

A fatal combination! Bit of a moany post but I'm not as happy a bunny as I usually am & it's the boyfriend's fault. He's recently moved further away which now means it's only really possible to see each other at weekends or if we both take a few days off as it takes about 2 hours to get to each other so last week we agreed I'd travel up this weekend to see him.
I go up on Friday & later in the evening I get told that there is a ''possibility'' he will be going out Saturday evening for a friend's birthday & lads night out but he tells me if he hasn't heard anything by Saturday morning he will leave it & we'll spend the weekend together, I don't kick up a fuss because I'm presuming he won't go & he doesn't seem that bothered anyway. Saturday morning arrives & at 11am he decides he will phone friend to see whats going on about this birthday night out, result of the conversation is he is going after all, sorry for the change of plan but hey, I don't mind do I?

I tell him that actually, yes I do mind being as I've taken the trouble to get up to see him & it isn't even midday Saturday yet so we haven't exactly had chance to do much, his reply was ''I told you about it, you knew it was a possibility'' riiiiight. I don't see the point of having an argument over it but let him know I'm not best pleased & come home. Text him that evening to tell him I'm home safe & I'll speak to him tomorrow (Sunday).

I knew they'd be going to a strip bar & that doesn't bother me because it's what blokes do, no different to looking at page 3 in my opinion & I think if you kick off then they'll still go but just keep it quiet.
He calls me on Sunday morning at 8am no less! To tell me he's on his way home, had a great night out etc etc, oh, & him & his mate had a private lapdance, ''it was great''.
Now I don't think I'm an unreasonable girlfriend, I'm not clingy, I'm pretty laidback & as long as I know what's going on I'm pretty chilled. I realise he has other people & things in his life as well as me but I do expect to be one of the more important ones.
I don't moan about him spending time with his mates, going out or anything like that & I'm not jealous or possessive, as in I don't think the worst if he's talking to other girls while we're out or if a girl gives him the eye, I trust him not to cheat & I'm not insecure nor do I turn into a screaming banshee if he goes out with female friends etc etc.

Lads night out & strip club - fine. Private lapdance - not fine, especially when it's me he's effectively given the boot for the evening when I've taken the trouble to travel up & see him, I told him this & his reply? ''But I walked you to the station'' Oh, whoopee do, sorry if I'm not being as grateful as you think I should be for that but I'M YOUR GIRLFRIEND NOT A CASUAL F**K! I did say that to him & then took a deep breath before I lost the plot completely & explained WHY I wasn't happy & he still didn't get it as ''it was only a lapdance, not like I did anything''. Ok he didn't do anything but I don't think he's been fair, at all, so now I've told him how I feel about the whole thing it has led to a slightly cool atmosphere between us.

I don't understand why he doesn't get it because I'm pretty sure if I did the same thing he'd be reacting in the same way, luckily for him male strippers & dancers are not my thing at all! One thing I do know though is this, I won't be making such a big effort in future, I think it's about time he started making some. Don't get me wrong, he's brilliant in a lot of respects & does treat me well but I just felt a bit put out this weekend, the fact I'd made all the effort to get to see him, was good enough to spend Friday night with but come Saturday it's 'bye bye hunny I'm going out with the lads.' Even my closest male friend think's he's being unreasonable & should have spent the weekend with me being as I'd made the effort, it isn't even like I had a completely free weekend, I changed stuff I was going to do because he wanted to see me. It's also the last I will be seeing of him for 2 weeks & that makes me feel worse because I know I'll miss him, I just feel a bit unappreciated & taken advantage of & it isn't nice.
I think for the next month or so I won't make such a big effort & make him do some work, not to mention grovelling!

Just feeling a bit low & not that great seeing as this lapdancer was apparently so ''brilliant'', felt like saying to him well how about you ask her to be your girlfriend being as she is apparently that great. I feel so riled & it isn't like me, I think maybe him going away for 2 weeks will give me time to cool off & him a chance to have a think & maybe realise he hasn't been that fair. He's been pretty quiet the past few days so who knows, maybe he already feels slightly guilty. I know we're solid so it isn't that it's just as I said, I feel a little bit taken advantage of & walked over, maybe it's about time I started being a bit more selfish? Mens opinions welcome & I promise next post will be a sunnier one! :o)


thoughts running through my head.... said...

sorry to hear that GND,he needs a massive kick up the backside-besides the arguments of its ok/its not ok to have a lapdance ,he is at the very least being very insensitive to tell you that in such a gleeful tone like you're one of his mates!Maybe the time has come to not be so chilled about what he does and when you see him-you are in a relationship with him,you're not one of his mates so he needs to treat you as someone special and put you first.If you're always too accomodating maybe he feels he isnt letting you down cos you never give him any coundaries about what behaviour you will accept from him.

Right,I am ready for a flaming off someone for saying that,but its true-men dont respect you if you give them too much leeway,thats been my mistake!

GirlNextDoor said...

I think your right TRTMH, I need to start being a bit selfish & maybe a bit less matey, it's just hard because thats how Ive always been. Men! No matter how I try to put it across that it upset me a little bit how he was so pleased with himself & the lapdancer he doesnt get it, I might spell it out to him, by withdrawing 'privileges'! lol

They'll have to flame me as well in that case cos I think your right, seems that way anyway. Honestly, women that create merry hell & are complete cows seem to get blokes that dote on them & give them their every need while decent girls like me & you & countless others end up with ones that take advantage!!! I think I might start being a bitchy, moany, possesive, jealous, whiny, stroppy little bitch, then I might end up with a perfect boyfriend! lol

Girl With The Golden Touch said...

Totally agree with TRTMH on this one. He is being a twat if he cannot see why it is rong that he had a private lap dance! Cheer up hun he aint worth stressing over!!

Why R U expectin a flaming trtmy! What ur saying is very true! X

maneatingcheesesandwich said...

He is obviously a naughty boy and should be spanked - best get your offer in first before he trots off to a "specialist" venue.

If you want to get your message across nicely, don't withdraw privileges totally. Just get halfway (as best can be established) through service provision then stop. Explain that your shift's now over, so he'll have to wait for the new girl to take over. The penny will probably drop - and you might get a tenner tucked into your garter as a bonus !

Alternatively, plant the seed which will put him off going again - suggest that perhaps she's dancing for money as a way of paying for the rest of his/her sex change procedure, for a course of private STD treatments, or to finance her boyfriend's crack habit.

He might respond with "You're just jealous" but the psychological damage will already have been done...

I advise people who disclose to me that they've been bullied to picture their tormentor sitting on the toilet, wearing their wife's underwear. It's normally very effective, since the bullies tend to get freaked out if you smile whenever you see them, so they naturally back off. If the tormentor is a woman, the appropriate alternative is pubic hair down to the knees.

dickiebo said...

Gosh! He must be very sure of you.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, as they say. Let him come to you in future.

thoughts running through my head.... said...

treat em mean keep em keen is quite true unfortunately!!!!dont be moody with him,just make yourself less available and see if he changes his ways,silly boy!

GirlNextDoor said...

Girl With The Golden Touch - Thanks :o)

MECS - I don't know the girl personally so the pubic hair scenario wouldn't help but the STD or sex change thing might, lol.

Dickiebo & TRTMH - I refuse to get into an argument or have a row over it as I don't want him to have a reason for being able to say Im being unreasonable, even though I know Im not cool calm & collected is much more effective. I think that's it, going to have to be more 'unavailable' & make him work for the attention. Still feel more than a bit gutted so time for some retail therapy maybe & a night out with my girls, then again if I wanted to be a real stirrer I could meet up with an ex from yonks ago who is still a mate, just for a coffee & a chat but being as he doesn't like the thought of me still being in touch with him it might rile him a bit. Don't think that would help matters at all though, as tempting as it may be so I shall remain mature & not get into a tit for tat situation, even though he has behaved like a complete tit! lol

The Thin Blue Line said...

Think you're definately right about not meeting ex for coffee. Don't play games with your fella, just make it clear that he's gotta start showing a bit more respect.
Unfortunately, speaking only for myself here, not other blokes, it's in our nature to be a bit insensitive. Part of our charm! Or something. Point is, if you continue to give him an inch, he'll continue to take a mile.
We're not bad people, we just need reminding now and again which side our bread's buttered on. x

GirlNextDoor said...

Yeah, game playing has never been my style TTBL,Im too straight talking for that & I think its rather immature, as tempting as it may be sometimes! Well I've come to the conclusion as he's still being stroppy about it that I am going to start taking a bit of back seat when it comes to effort & to remain 'cool' over the whole lapdancer episode. No point in keep brining it up, he knows my views on it now so hopefully he will learn from his mistake :o)

Inspector Gadget said...

If I did this; Debbie Gadget would KILL me and throw my remains to the dogs! Having said that, she does a wicked lap dance herself!!! By the way, I have linked to you.

Steven_L said...

Oh my god, you need to take deep breaths, calm down, and break uo your paragraphs, otherwise no one will listen to you.

GirlNextDoor said...

All well & good Steven_I, if you are patient enough & have the time to fiddle about with blogger to make it paragraph, regular readers will know I mentioned this in a post yonks ago & how it wound me up.

lynn said...

I am shocked but not surprised at this man. I've met them before. My over-riding question is, why do we not take note of the warning bells right at the beginning of the relationship? Why carry on taking that shit? Not you, but me too and millions of others. Breathe a sigh of relief that you are single again. I am. SinGLE. I've made a mental note to stop and listen to those bells next time, really hard.