8 June 2007

Mind Games

What is it with men, or more precisely my ex? Things ended with the boyfriend 2 , actually more like 3, weeks ago now so why today, did I get a phonecall from him as well as texts saying he regrets splitting up & can we get back together? Or if I don't feel ready for that just yet then go on a break & then try again?
WHY!!! HE was the one that ended it.
HE was the one that quite frankly couldn't be bothered with the effort.
HE was the one who behaved like a child!
Except now HE realises what HE finished & realises what HE wants back I'm expected to go along with it?! It was HIS choice.
HE wanted it. HE chose for things to be done with.
Are you noticing a pattern here? It's all HIM, HIM, HIM!!!! Sod what I felt or wanted 3 weeks ago, I could Fuck Off 3 weeks ago, I was a spoilt, selfish, jealous ridden bitch 3 weeks ago! Obviously I must be, because isn't that the automatic conclusion to reach when your girlfriend lets you know she isn't happy with lapdancers, all night drinking & partying when she's made the effort to travel 2 hours to see you & changed her plans, is good enough for you to get your leg over with one night & kicked back home the next because you want some cheap thrills in a lapdancing/strip bar?! Yes, obviously I'm the selfish one....

Ooops hang on, I'm forgetting the magic word, he said sorry which of course makes everything ok again, no matter that I was in complete tears when he was ranting down the phone, because obviously 'sorry' fixes all that doesn't it?!?!? Except it doesn't & it won't.
He has behaved like a complete child the past 3 weeks, it is ridiculous, he is 21, well 22 2 weeks ago, for goodness sake!

I'm fed up with his holier than thou attitude he has had the past month, I'm fed up with it being all him him him, I'm fed up with his mouthing off when I asked him to make a bit of effort & meet me halfway (quite literally sometimes) fed up with his immature behaviour & most of all fed up with hearing about his perfect fucking lapdancer!!!! Although I admit. that was maybe said more to get a reaction than anything which I'm proud to say it didn't, well, not until I'd put the phone down then the pillow got it I'm afraid, it didn't suffer too much. It did help imagining it was his delicates though. And after all that he expects me to say
"oh yes darling, let's get back together, I've missed you & your me me me attitude so much, I just don't know what to do with myself, I mean I'm actually doing what I want without having to consider somebody else"

I'm so mad, don't know if you guessed? My keyboard is getting hammered & I'm tapping my foot in that "I'm so angry I could skewer you & spit roast you quite happily, right now" way.

*Breathes deeply & counts to 10*

End result of the conversation was me thanking him for his kind offer but unfortunately I'd have to refuse him this time....

Miraculously I didn't swear & I didn't shout, I am so proud of myself
I just told him that I didn't think it would work out, did he? And left it at that, I saved the shouting & ranting & swearing for here & my loyal readers! You may remove your earplugs now, calmness has returned, just. Lol xxx


totallyun-pc said...

Hey! chin up girl. X

Oh and you might be pleased to know... your on my side bar now.... I don't go many days without checking on the girl next door....

thoughts running through my head.... said...

are you still interested in him?be very careful if you do get back together,make him prove himself first if you do!I say this cos I know you're angry with him,but thats never stopped me going back again and I am old enough to know better!

dickiebo said...

That's it gal. You stay on the high ground. Let him squirm - if he has to bother you!

Girl*Next*Door said...

Thanks Tupc :o) & thanks for the link too :o)

TRTMH, if he had done this a few weeks ago or 10 days ago I probably would have considered giving things a try but Im not going to go running back to him. I'm not angry with him as such, just annoyed he thinks everything can go his way when he wants it to, there's no consideration or thought for what I might think or want. It's a shame because before all this things were ok, then again, things were going his way then so maybe that's why? If, & it's a very big IF, I do get back together with him he will be proving himself for sure. Thing is now after these past few weeks Im not so sure I do want him back after the way he's behaved, hard to explain but he's been out of order & being as he knows about other stuff that's been going on in my life he hasn't been fair at all & it isn't just me that thinks so, his best friend admitted the same thing.

Oh don't worry Dickiebo, I've told him to leave me alone a while, then see but to be honest I don't think I do want him back now. 2 weeks ago i ould have done but not now I don't think.

Emma said...

You stick to your guns girl and rant all you like to us.....xx

maneatingcheesesandwich said...

If he gets away with it once, he'll think he can get away with iut again...and again...and again.

As the kids from Grange Hill used to say...Just Say No.

You should never accept second best in anything - so if someone else has treated you as second best, they're not even worth a second thought. Mr Right will be out there somewhere - and he won't treat you that way.

Waynecoff said...

nice one, he probabally thought you would come running back, well done for standing up for your self.

Girl With The Golden Touch said...

*shakes head and doesnt know what to say apart from* IDIOT! I can't believe he just thinks he can say sorry, suggest getting back together and you will say yes. I second what Emma said - stick to your guns,and just rant to us! XX

Girl*Next*Door said...

Mecs, that's what I think. I'm not going to be walked over, glad I stuck to my guns even if it was a little hard.

Wayne, Girl & Emma. I am sticking to my guns & not giving in, I refuse to be treated like a doormat & I know if I start seeing him again that's what I will be. Everytime I think 'yeah but what if he does mean it' I think of his attitude & soon stops those thoughts!! lol xxx

CSI:UK said...

The guy obviously realises what an self centred idiot he has been, why else has it taken 3 weeks for him to realise it. They are not mind games, that would require forethought and planning.

The Thin Blue Line said...

You should be pleased that he realises what a mistake he's made, but don't let the bloke worm his way back in.
If he deserved you in the first place then he wouldn't have acted like such an arse 3 weeks ago.

Girl*Next*Door said...

CSI, liking the razor sharpness at the end of your comment!!

TBL, I am pleased but it's like you say, if I'd meant that much to him in the first place he ouldn't have been such a prat, because there is no way I'd have done to him what he has to me, nor said wht he has. But I'm not giving things another go, is no point * I'm not going to be a doormat, nor let him think I'll just go crawling back.