14 September 2007

Bombs (& Doughnuts)

Prompted by a post that Inspector Gadget did I realised the past week or so we've had three bomb scares in Cheltenham. Three!
One due to the carelessness of one of our local bus drivers, they were doing a security exercise at the depot apparently & the bus wasn't supposed to go out on the route. Obviously the driver wasn't listening because he promptly left the depot with a suspicious package sat happily on the back seat.....
Not that the locals were particularly bothered by this because it took something like three hours for somebody* to get worried enough to say something to the driver, who had forgotten all about it & even the mention of it failed to jog his memory so decided to call the police who then called the local bomb disposal unit out from the Forest. Oooooh the excitement!
*a tourist, has to be because most of the locals wouldn't notice if the Queen took to streaking down the high street while singing a Sex Pistols hit.

Some student or old lady was the cause of the second one, a bag was left on a bench or something & when they came back after searching Cheltenham high & low finally remembering the left package on the prom, found that it had helpfully been blown to kingdom come!

& last but not least is this bright person.

It makes me wonder if somewhere in the green hills of Gloucester there isn't a syndicate going on in some shed or barn or particularly daring W.I.
Odds as to how many parcels & packages you can get blown up in one week. A personal best maybe? Most imaginatively placed? Longest your package can go without being spotted? How many miles of police tape can be used in your particular case? Or how about how many times you can piss the bomb disposal squad off in a calendar month?

Mind you when some bright spark has the GCHQ building built in the shape of a giant doughnut visible from so many thousands of feet up & a local landmark from the Cotswold hills then is it surprising everyone is on their gaurd?! Personally I feel it could be a bit more noticeable, the very least they could do is stick a neon flashing sign on the roof with maybe an X marks the spot in the middle. Honestly, no consideration for those that aren't likely to notice it.

Baring in mind that GCHQ deals with all the government secrets, security measures, MI5 & the fact it is covered in razor wire, individual compounds which you have to pass through before you get to the hallowed entrance it probably wasn't the best idea that particular architect had. It is so hyper about security that the phone lines belonging to the houses surrounding it are randomly tapped.
If it does get blown up that's biggest part of my family gone in one fell swoop but as my cousin helpfully remarked;

"it's built in a circle so if it does get hit then it won't matter because the bomb will land in the middle"

Yes, I can see the logic of that as bombs do tend to fall in a dead straight line & confine themselves to a distance of two feet maximum.....
Whoever said yokels don't exist?!?!

Obviously terrorism is the last thing on the mind of Gloucester's inhabitants as they had other, far more important matters on their mind.


Annette said...

I wonder if they ever find out whoose packages they are?
If I left a package and then went back to find it and found the bomb squad there trying to blow it up, I would be so embarrased I would deny knowing anything about it and I would run a mile!!!
I would hide until everyones forgotton about it!!!
How embarrasing would that be!!
I wonder how much it costs to bring the bomb squad out?
All for someone whos forgotton their bag and it's probably only got cat food in it!!!

dickiebo said...

Gosh! You're getting to be a right li'l worrier. Aincha? It's all good practice for the Police & Bomb Squads.
Anyway. I would have thought that you, of all people, are a person of action, and would want to be in the centre of things.

Little Wing said...

Laughing my ass off at the image of the Queen streaking while singing a sex pistol song.........
Oh god now THAT is funny!

Kaiser Bill said...

we dont do anything but walk up & give 'en a kick...its not technical, you know!

Area Trace No Search said...

Us too - the met method is to have your hands in your pockets, smoking a roll up, and give it a nonchalant boot.

Which is fine until it goes wrong. Once saw a guvnor come unstuck that way, his face when his boot connected with the bag with a loud "Clunk" was priceless.

Or at least, I imagine it was. Myself, the other four PCs on scene and our Sergeant were too busy running in the opposite direction to see it.

He he he.

Girl*Next*Door said...

"its not technical, you know!"

Good job really, with you around! ;)

RandomPinkness said...

Wow, I feel ever so safe now thank you very much, Bill and Area ;) though I s'pose it's you guys who get blown up if it all goes pear shaped not me. The thing is you just assume someone has left their bag there not that it’s a bomb. I don't even know what a suspicious package is meant to look like, shifty with it's eyes to close together perhaps?

Area Trace No Search said...


Although I have been to a suspicious package which turned out to be a coffee flask filled with coffee.

Left in a canteen of a hospital.

Glory days!

Girl*Next*Door said...

I'm not sure Annette to be honest, probably do sometimes. & yes, I'd be way too embarrassed to own up to it being mine!

I ain't worrying Dickiebo, just annoying when half of town gets cordoned off & you find out it's all for the sake of a forgotten mobile phone package. Although I can understand why that would be so suspicious.
I was in a bit of a "miserable cow" mode when I wrote the post anyway! Lol

LW, glad you found it amusing! Not that it's a sight I'd want to see mind! Hahaha :)

Pinkness, me neither, I don't tend to notice that much sometimes, loving your description though! & don't take any notice of Kaiser Bill, he's more than a bit mad anyway, can't speak for Area although I have my suspicions....! Lol

Area, bet the person who reported the coffee was more than a bit red faced, how embarrassing.

"Myself, the other four PCs on scene and our Sergeant were too busy running in the opposite direction to see it."
Think I just might have done the same!