22 September 2007


Family wise, things have been a bit crap the past few years. My parents moved out to Spain about 4ish years ago, my mum moved back a year later because she couldn't take living with my dad the way he was, the constant rowing & then the start of physical stuff. She brought my two sisters back with her & my one brother followed later on. The other twin stayed out there & so did my other brother (I have three brothers, bare with me! Lol). As much as we tried to get them over here it didn't work & in the laws eyes they were old enough to make their own decisions. My brother was about 16 & my twin sisters were 12/13 at the time. He was only ever abusive towards my mum although he certainly doesn't match up in the father stakes either.

To cut a long story short the divorce took ages & custody re my baby sister was very drawn out, because they were in Spain & the fact my brother was classed as an adult so could look after the one twin.
What really did it with me & my dad is when he was allowing & encouraging my 14 year old sister to see & sleep with a 26 year old. The age of consent in Spain is 13 but it doesn't mean he has to encourage her to sleep with someone twice her age.

I washed my hands of him & had one hell of a phone conversation with him & told him I never wanted to see him again, that as far as I was concerned he might as well be dead. Harsh, but after all he's done he disgusts me. He saw nothing wrong in the fact my one sister was 14 & the guy she was seeing was 26.
I hate him for what he's done & the damage he's caused, the hurt & the abuse. If he died tomorrow I would probably be upset but I wouldn't miss him. I know that sounds truly awful but I just can't ever forgive him for what he's allowed to happen & the damage & hurt he's put my mum, my brothers & my sisters through. All because of alcohol.
From the age of about 13 I was having to comfort & look after my sisters because he was taking things out on my mum & she nearly had a breakdown, I was having them come into my bed at night crying & upset because of what they'd heard & seen & me trying to make out everything was fine & stop them getting upset. All of this because he values what's in a bottle more than the family he had.

The reason I'm so happy? My brother has decided to come back home & leave him to it rather than supporting him out of guilt. My sister has moved in with the guy she was seeing, not the best outcome but at least she's happy & he wasn't in it for one thing. As much as I disagreed with him sleeping with her it's legal there. I still don't like the idea but there isn't much you can do sometimes.

Finally, things are settling down & getting back on track & I'm so happy.
My brother, who I get on really well with & am close to is coming home & at long last, our family is starting to get back to normal.


dickiebo said...

Good on yer, gal. Wish you all, all the best.

brown eyed girl said...

Im really pleased things are coming back for you hun..
family situations sometimes arent ideal and im with you with regarding your sister about being too young..
I dated an older guy when i was 16 and he nearly distroyed me as a person,something to do with being niave and not knowing my own mind so i just did what he asked..
I really hope it all works out for you there, its good to feel happy ..
Jo xxx

cogidubnus said...

Considering the strain and stress you've been through I think, based on your blog, that you've shown great strength and turned out a fairly well rounded person.

Thing is, not everyone's got your strength...at least not from get go ... could be your brother's either not quite as strong or not quite so quick on the uptake...don't know him so couldn't say...but don't ever crow!

It's hard when parents split up - it's really hard having to chose...especially being forced by circumstances to pick 100% one way or the other, instantly, when young...easy to get it wrong,(...is there really a completely right answer anyway?) ... and boys do usually drift towards a father figure rather than a mother figure at a certain age (usually say 8 to 13)

Guess what I'm really trying to say is try to live your life for you (not for anybody else, especially not your parents...and I say this as a five times parent)... and do try not to let the past influence the way you treat your favourite sibling!

Little Wing said...

Try to let go of some of that hate and anger if you can, not for your father's benefit but for yours.
Hate is a powerful emotion and it can keep you stressed out and affect your health.
Be strong!

Roses said...

I'm really pleased things are working out for you and your family. It's really tough growing up in a household where alcohol and abuse are the norm. But you've got strength and loads of energy, so I have no doubt you'll be fine.

I think you've got every right to be angry and hurt that your father has let you down and your family. I remember the post you wrote when he was asking you for money - which is just such a rotten thing to do.

It's good that things are on the up and I bet they'll continue to be.

Many hugs

Girl*Next*Door said...

Dickiebo thank you very much, I'm really hopeful things will start slotting into place now :) *hugs*

Brown eyed girl, me too. Very pleased :)
Definitely too young but so far he's stood by her so like I said, although I still think it's wrong there isn't much you can do & at least he hasn't just used her.

Cogidubnus thank you :)
I think you're right, my brother did feel torn & he didn't have the strength that I had, or had to have at that time so I can see why he made the choice he did. I'd never row to him, I'm just very happy he's come home :)

I think he also felt responsible for the one twin that wanted to stay out there & as much as my mum & I told him it wasn't his responsibility & tried to get my other sister over here too it didn't work out.

I have started to worry less about my siblings, or have made a conscious effort not to worry about them & to stop putting others above me which I have a bad habit of doing. I'll help anyone if I can & do as much as I can for them which is good one way but in another way I put other people above me but I have tried to be more selfish :)
He isn't my favourite as such, I treat them all the same I just get on better with him. Probably because we are very similar personality wise & share the same sense of humour! Lol

LW I have let go of the anger I felt, alot of it & you're right, it does screw you up & I got myself into a bad way because of that a few years ago but thankfully saw the light & realised the only person it was hurting & damaging was me.
Thank you hun :)

Roses me too, not a moment too soon either :)
Definitely have lots of energy, or hyperactivity as some would say! Lol
I have to say that I am now realising it's no good keep going over stuff in my mind, it won't change things & at least now things are coming together which is so good :)
I think so too, definitely hoping so :)
*hugs* :)

Thanks guys or the lovely comments, I'm still very very happy with the situation! :)