27 September 2007


Dear God Google has alot to answer for sometimes. After getting up pretty early this morning because just lately my sleep patterns have been all over the place (possibly alcohol related, not entirely sure) I decided to come downstairs, get a caffeine kick (you can deprive me of chocolate but caffeine is an entirely different matter & may end up in me either slapping you very hard or gouging your eyes out with a fork)
& come online for a bit. Then realised I was shivering & covered in goosepimples so ran upstairs to get my quilt because it is bloody freezing, winter has hit us I think & although it's bright blue skies & sun outside it is sharp, my favourite kind of weather, when I've remembered to switch the heating on that is....

In my boredom/semi conscious state I decided to have a look at Sitemeter... In amongst the search results that directed people to my blog were these requests;

"perving girl next door" Better not be, because I might have to cut certain parts of your anatomy off to stop you perving. I've seen horses being gelded, it's not difficult. Less so when you're in a rage I'd imagine, quicker maybe although most certainly not less painful. Still, the cold should help to numb the pain, maybe.

"cute man at starbucks" He's mine & you can keep your greasy paws off!

"louisa lytton tights" Why?! Weirdo!

"how to compliment a girl" If you're asking Google that you really do need help. I would advise you to not say anything really going by what Google throws up.

"chavscum street girls" Try Bristol.

"sex in 100% opaque tights" Bit difficult I'd imagine, going by how tights are designed you fool. Do you have no brain or is it really true that the blood supply only supplies one at a time!?

"cheap thrills swindon" Right county, wrong girl. Parts of Swindon you can take your pick of them though.

"late at the office" "my husband" "my skirt" The mind really does boggle.... My conclusion is he was either cross dressing at the office or they were doing naughty things on the bosses desk... Whilst hubby was wearing her skirt maybe? Oooooh no I'm going to stop now, the mental images are getting too disturbing.

"photo naked of max branning" Dear God please no. If I want mental torture I'll let you know thanks. Eurgh, why would you want that?!

"girl next door in underwear" No no no no!

"punters are a waste of a uniform" What exactly is that supposed to mean? I didn't realise punters wore uniforms, unless they're dominatrix punters maybe? Turn up in the studded collar & lead? Maybe it was the wrong type?

"can't take polycarbonate glasses apart" I would have thought that was obvious really. Even if you're pissed I would have thought that was obvious. Even if you're a pissed neanderthal I would have thought that was obvious?! Fool.

"risks of harbour jumping polkerris" I would have thought the risks were pretty obvious myself. Underneath the lovely blue waters of Polkerris & directly beneath the pier you are about to jump off are razor sharp rocks. The very least you will come away with is shredded skin, usually on the shins. At the worst you will paralyse yourself you twat! Then again you might get off lightly & find a crab in your crotch holding on for dear life, I've seen it happen & yes, I was creased up! The guy found it slightly less amusing. It still didn't stop me laughing.

"next door lust" Oh for God's sake! What is it with people wanting either naked pictures, semi naked pictures or worse of the girls who live next door to them!?

"what do guys wear for moulin rouge parties" Suits? Corsets are an option I suppose but I can't imagine they'd look too good somehow....

"dirty pictures of the girl next door" See what I mean about the poor girl next door?! She is long suffering.

"younger brothers get stuck shopping for underwear with the girls" I have never taken my younger brother underwear shopping with me. Plainly the searchee is old enough to use a keyboard & can spell, it's practically incest!

The conclusion I have come to is that I obviously attract my fair share of the perverted, depraved & mad. No change there then, considering every time I end up at Victoria Station the homeless man (woman?) manages to find me & offer me his/her shoes, food & drink. Thanks, but no thanks. Do I really look like I need the shoes, food & drink of a beggar?!
I might stop looking at Sitemeter for a while, especially so early in the morning. I am very grateful that I don't have close neighbours too, never know if you've got a peeping tom living next door by the looks of things!

Completely unrelated but for some reason I have become hooked on Scouting for Girls - She's so lovely
It's quite annoyingly addictive. I've just put it on my mp3 player so I just hope I don't make a twat of myself by singing along to it later when I'm on my way into work, mainly because I sing like a strangled cat taking it's last breath/yowl. It's a shame I forget that fact sometimes.

Oh, & take a look at The Thin Blue Comedy Sketch
Very amusing! I thought so anyway. Have a look yourself :o)


northern monkey said...

How funny!

My stats show a surprising number of hits with the search term "cup cuts leg" - I have no idea why anyone would search for this term and what they need to find out or even worse why it links to me...

Little Wing said...

Laughing hard here!
Now those are funny!!!!

Metcountymounty said...

It always makes me happier to see that there are lots of people out there who have much wierder interests than me!!

Waynecoff said...

like it, keep um comming, x

Girl*Next*Door said...

Monkey it is truly scary what people search for sometimes, what's even scarier is they're all ending up at my blog! Lol

LW some people are just weird! But some are quite amusing yeah, even if I did have to look twice at some of them!

MCM I don't think you can class some of those searches in the same postcode as weird even!
But yes, it is reassuring isn't it!? Lol

Hiya Wayne, glad you liked :o)

Girl With The Golden Touch said...

Ha ha this is really funny! Max Branning naked hmmm... (Im joking - he is vile)