Still on good terms with Mr. S which is good. He's a great guy & we get on well. We're both adults & it's silly to have bitterness & fall outs over something that was great for both of us.
He has a new girlfriend. Which I will be honest, made me stop & think but I do know it was the right thing to do ending it with him. He's much too nice to be messed around & if things were reversed, I'd hate to be strung along.
I also didn't want the guilt of feeling like I was emotionally betraying him, in a way that's worse than physical betrayal & it just isn't right.
He really deserves somebody lovely.
I'm of the mindset now that I will be young, free & single & enjoy the Summer. I need to get myself back on track & if, come September things are still no clearer when I see J then I think we will both need to sit down & have a good talk. I can't keep dwelling on it as it is pulling me down at times. What will be will be.
There is so much to focus on, a job, moving out, take another look at the police app. get riding again, learn to drive. I need to persuade someone. My step dad & my brother are convinced my hand/eye co-ordination is short circuiting somewhere.My failure to get to grips with everything around me once I'm in a car is equally as faulty.
Horses are so much easier!
I can cope with them, I can anticipate what they are likely to do in a given situation & have a reasonable confidence that they will listen to me & take notice of my intentions.
I can't say I have so much confidence in the eejits on the road who somehow passed their driving test.....
It also doesn't help when both brother & step dad pass the remark that I may need a booster seat. For some reason they find their humour astoundingly funny...!
Life is really not that bad, it could be one hell of a lot worse that's for sure. Since the near miss in hospital back in January I've sort of felt like I've been on a tightrope. My sleeping patterns are testament to that as they've been all over the place again.
I'm really not the type to get down or feel sorry for myself but it's been a bit of a struggle the past month/six weeks & today it seems to have lifted & I've got that positive feeling back.
I've missed it.