2 September 2008

Baby Blues

It looks like there is going to be a new addition to the family in aproximately 8 months time (I had to count that, I always get mixed up between human & horse gestation periods. Horses are 11 months for anyone who's curious)

And for those wondering, no, it's not me who is pregnant.

My wonderful 19 year old brother, the one who last year was having fights outside pubs, carrying a knife on & off & who has messed with cocaine on a very regular basis which led to him being told to get his stuff packed & find somewhere else to live because all his problems were affecting the rest of the family, has now gone & got a girl up the duff. She is keeping it.

I'll start from the beginning & it might make some sort of sense.

March/April time he split up with his long term girlfriend & for two months was single, he then started going out with the girl he is with now who by all accounts is a decent girl. She has a steady job, has her own place & her own car. He has been sacked from two jobs this year. He is now working for the minimum wage somewhere & from what my parents saw when they met up with him last week, is sponging off of his current girlfriend. Asking to be subbed for wages etc.

Anyway, in the two months of freedom he decided he'd go 'sleeping' with any girl willing. Last week he got tracked down in the small town he lives in by one of them & she announced to him that she is 11 weeks gone, it's his baby & she is keeping it.

From what I gather it wasn't even a one night stand but what you might call a two hour one, they got what they wanted & parted ways.

He has been told by more than one family member to ask for a DNA test as it seems she isn't bothered who goes there. This is confirmed by my brother having to visit the clap clinic after sleeping with her although granted, the way he has been putting it about it may not have been her but the dates tally. This has all come from my mother who has basically picked up the gist of things when she's been speaking to him.

He is at the stage where he"just knows" it's his & therefore, is refusing to ask for a DNA test.

I cannot believe what a stupid pratt he is & that is putting it mildly. He has had run ins with the police over various things, he dropped out of school with sod all GCSE's because he couldn't be bothered, he went abroad to live & ended up living with my dad, he went out partying & snorting every night, he got sacked from his job in Spain for stealing from the till & came over here in disgrace as he couldn't stay in Spain, fed my mum & step-dad a load of crap about him having to come over because of my dad (which I know for a fact is a load of crap after speaking to a friend) he got a job in England & a car, lost the job because he was turning up late & not working when he was there, sold the car to feed his drug habit & because he was joyriding around the industrial estate he was working on after hours. Went out of a night time & was not getting in until 3 & 4am, drunk & coked up. Starting fights & wandering in with black eyes & split lips. This is the point he was kicked out after being offered all the help he could wish for by family but nobody could take it anymore from him.

He went to live with friends & was living off bread & beans because all his money was going on drugs & alcohol.

Since last Summer he has lost four jobs because he doesn't turn up on time. He was offered the chance of an NVQ course at one & got himself sacked by turning up late, skiving while he was there & going home early whenever he could.

The new girlfriend knows about the baby, she is doing her "he's my man" bit by standing by him. More fool her because he will take the piss & leave her when the next comes along. Sadly, she is a nice girl & she might even ground him a bit if he sticks with her.

What sort of a father is that going to make? I know what he's like, two months after the baby is born he will not care. He never does, about anything. He's like a child with a new toy, loves the toy deeply for a week or so but then would rather play with the box it came in. Which is actually a very good analogy given the situation.....

It pisses me off so much. He's had the chance to go after a modelling career & earn good money. He's had the chance of good job prospects & getting a life for himself, he's had unlimited support from family for his various problems but is intent on wrecking any prospect or chance he has.
He talks & charms his way through life & leaves other people to deal with the consequences.

He is not evil but he is a pain in the arse who is going to tangle with the wrong person one day because of how he behaves & what he does.

He went off the rails at 14 & hasn't looked back but got progressively worse. He's so fucking immature he thinks it clever to take the piss out of the police in town when he's drinking, but only from a safe distance of course....

I know my dad is a complete tosser & not worth bothering with but you can only use that as an excuse for how you are to a certain extent. Plenty of people have difficult home lives, they make something of themselves & better themselves. They don't use it as an excuse to be a total twat.

My brother is nowhere near ready enough for the responsibility of bringing up a child. He just isn't. He can barely look after himself.

I was so proud of him last year for getting off the coke & I know for a fact he is back on it & doing it of a weekend because "it's only a little bit". It's never a little bit, it always leads to bigger things & he should know that by my older brother's experience of starting with cannabis & reaching the heady heights of heroine addiction.

My family are fuck ups.

My dad is an abusive alcoholic who thinks the definition of fathering is writing to his daughter to ask for money but having no contact otherwise.

My mum had my eldest brother very, very young. Is now back to being religious & see's me as a modern day Jezebel because I wear short skirts & she doesn't believe I should be having sex out of marriage. She also doesn't believe I should get drunk or watch Family Guy.
That strikes me as somewhat hypocritical.

My older brother is an ex heroine addict gone good but who has now started smoking cannabis again since the break up of his relationship early this year.

My younger brother is on a first class ticket to becoming a train wreck of a human being at 19. He is 20 in October & is throwing his life away at every opportunity.

My one sister who is living in Spain, at 14, was sleeping with a 26 year old because my dad & her were living in his house. If my sister stopped going out with him, my sister would have come over here & my dad would have had to stand on his own two feet but no, that's far too simple (& would actually mean he'd have to get off the booze & attempt something resembling work) so he thought he'd encourage the relationship as much as possible.
I suppose it turned out ok as they are now engaged. She's 17 & he is 29.
I still think it's wrong & I will never forgive my dad for his part in that especially.

Still, it's not all black because if the job hunting really does fail, I could always write in to Jeremy Kyle & provide my family as morning viewing for the next two years judging by the amount of material there is to use.

If I didn't laugh I would cry!!

Thinking about it, I'm lucky any relationship has lasted beyond a month considering eventually I have to introduce boyfriends to my family. I am surprised they stick for as long as they do sometimes!

Oh well. I'm sure it will sort itself out, everything generally does & I've just realised this post turned into one huge rant towards the end, never mind. It got it out of my system :o)
And apologies for the swearing, it only happens when I'm angry or upset & on this occasion, I felt justified.


SandDancer said...

You've turned out incredibly well but it does seem that you take on the worry for these things which should have been the responsibility of a parent.

I think one of the hardest things I've had to learn in life is that I can't be responsible for the actions of other people. I love my family and get along with them fine now, but there were times in the past when I have been horrified by their behaviour, and (I'm ashamed to say) embarrassed by them. I used to worry a lot about my OH meeting them, in case he judged me on them, but I've realised now that someone who loves me wouldn't make judgments.

cogidubnus said...

What she said...doubled!

Girl*Next*Door said...

Sanddancer, thanks! I have my mad moments though!

I do wory about my siblings & I have taken the gap of mother when my mum was going through bad marriage problms with my dad. Purely because somebody needed to be there & I was the older sister so it feel to me.

That is like me. I love them, of course I do because they are my family but I do sometimes feel embarassed, certainly by what my dad has done in the past & for the way my brother behaves now.
And horrfied by what they do sometimes & how they project themselves.

Yes, that is sort of the view I take with boyfriends. I just don't introduce them straight away but wait a few months, or until I am sure the relationship is going somewhere or has a future. Then I will introduce him to my family after plenty of warning about what some of them are like!! Lol
And you're right about a partner making judgments. That is very true.
Thanks :o) xx

Cogi, thank you xx.

Roses said...

It does take a while to work out the shite of a crap childhood and it doesn't help your brother that your father was such a poor role model.

At the end of the day, people make their choices. You've made yours to be the person you are: hard working, contentious, law-abiding and fun. And you will reap the benefits of such choices, you'll be able to have good, solid friendships, and when the right person comes along - a good, solid relationship.

That person, as Sanddancer has said, will love you for who you are, the wonderful person that you are.

And actually, I've yet to meet a person whose family life wasn't a complete nightmare.