I have it.
OK, maybe not actual bird flu but certainly the female equivalent of man flu (are you following this?!). For four whole weeks I've avoided the 'thing' that has turned my family into various states of the walking dead (which is a vast improvement for some of them) & now it has infected me.
I can't win. I get red puffy, watery eyes in the Summer because of Hay Fever & then I get them in the sodding Winter because of some mutant strain of a bug that has ideas above it's station & isn't happy to be classed in the simple category of a cold but has to go all out with the ridiculous symptoms of 50 odd infections stapled together.
I don't actually know which compulsion is strongest, to sneeze or cough. Don't try both, I wouldn't advise it.
I sneezed earlier today after trying to hold it in, it was just a shame I was stood in front of the patio doors at the time because I sneezed & my head whacked the glass & re-bounded off it(& shamefully enough, that is not the first time that has happened. I am convinced on occasions that I was put on this earth solely for entertainment value!). I personally didn't find it hilarious in the least, unlike my sister & brother who were very nearly crying with laughter. The sympathy in this house leaves a lot to be desired at times. Especially when it comes to delicate little flowers like me..!
But I am expecting things to get imminently worse as according to the NHS Direct website, I either have Botulism or Meningitis & apparently, should be dialling 999 immediately.
It really is no wonder that people get it in their heads they are dying of some incurable disease or have gangrene when in actual fact, it's a mild dose of athlete's foot.
Self diagnosis websites & books help nobody. My nana has a book that describes every possible symptom of every possible disease under the sun. So what does she do when she gets a tickly cough? Looks up the symptoms & convinces herself it's a possible case of pneumonia if she doesn't keep an eye on it.
And then races to the cupboard to fish out an echinacea tea which will apparently fight every evil, despite containing 0.1% of the actual helpful ingredient so as well as tasting absolutely foul, it's about as much use as being armed with a butter knife when fighting a master swordsman.
Seeing as I am so dreadfully ill according to NHS direct I am going to take myself off to hide under a fat duvet with hot chocolate (a girl needs to keep her fluid intake up you know) & possibly some Galaxy milk chocolate (equally, a girl needs to keep her calcium intake up... That is obviously the only reason for such things as Galaxy) & to make the most of it before I'm dragged from my deathbed by the evil sister who has somehow taken a "maybe" as a signed in blood contract for me to accompany her to Primark.
If I don't post again it's because I've impaled myself on a bent coat hanger after surrendering the will to live.
Illness + 3 floor Primark + moody teenage sister + Friday shoppers + public transport = a tetchy, murderous & suicidal GND.
In that order, just in case you're wondering.