22 October 2008

In The Red

Red tartan that is.

On the much dreaded shopping trip with Strop (new name for hormonal 17 year old sister. I think it suits her!) the other day I bought some fabulous red tartan shorts. Exactly like these but with a one button fastening & in tartan, obviously.

When I tried them on at home & came downstairs in them, the general consensus was that they are awful. But I don't care because they suit me & I think they are far from awful. The fact everyone else hates them makes me enjoy wearing them all the more!

They are not made for shrinking violets so I have decided that they look best with black opaque tights, these ankle boots which are almost exactly like mine;

and a black fitted, skinny rib, roll neck jumper I have.

They're too loud to wear with anything coloured or printed, it would either look awful and/or cheap. And bare legs are out as they would make the shorts look tacky, and the blue colouring my legs would take on from being bare in this weather would clash with them!

I am going to wear them out on the town next week.
I am home alone for a whole, entire glorious week from Sunday so I shall be making the most of it.
Friday night of next week is earmarked for the debut of the tartan shorts & a night out with my best mate & a few other girls from the stables.

The shorts may not be to everyone's taste but I don't care because I love, love, love, love them and they suit me & that is all I am concerned about! :o)

17 October 2008

No. No. NO!

How many times?! I have had six texts (four at the weekend, two this week) from someone, who I wouldn't give the time of day to, asking me out for a drink.

All well & good if he was actually decent. Why can't I have someone nice pursue me?! Just a nice, normal guy with a decent job, a decent sense of humour & no funny ideas about girls who ride. Why does it have to be what can only be described as a muppet?!

There are many drawbacks to this but still he tries his luck. I politely replied to his texts over the weekend & then didn't answer them at all. I thought I'd got rid of him until I got a text mid week. And then another.

The drawbacks are mainly as follows;

He is blonde (the two blondes I've gone out with have turned out to be monumental prats. And I'm not naturally attracted to blondes generally. One of the many reasons Brad Pitt is not on my 'yes' list)

His chat up line was telling me he loved horses & riding but the only reason he did was because of the womens arses in jodhpurs & boots. He then asked me how good I looked in mine & would he ever get to see? Errrrr, no!

He's older than me. Not usually a problem but it is when he is such a dick.

He smokes.

He called me darling the first time he spoke to me. No, I am most definitely not your darling.

He is under the very bad delusion that he is funny. Oh yes, about as funny as being struck down with herpes would be 'funny'.

He uses text speak. When there is absolutely no reason to use it.

He wears an earring. Very, very few men can get away with wearing an earring. He is not one of them.

Oh yes, I've struck gold with this one......

And why is he texting me? Because my sister gave him my number whilst slightly drunk because he 'liked' me & I am 'lovely'. Unfortunately she didn't have enough brain cells available to her at the time to realise that was a Very Bad Idea.

She realises it now. Because I have told her so. It's alright for her to laugh in my face about it all though, she isn't the one being chased by a total fool who has no concept of the word 'no' or what constitutes good taste in male grooming.

I can see the amusing side now but last weekend, none of it struck me as remotely funny. There is background to this & I probably will blog it if I'm brave enough but for now, I hope my inbox does not feature a text from the muppet ever again.

And if I wake up one day & decide to become a lesbian, it is the fault of (nearly) the entire male of the species & their utter stupidity when it comes to women.

No offence to men reading this, this is just my personal experience!

10 October 2008

Bird Flu

I have it.

OK, maybe not
actual bird flu but certainly the female equivalent of man flu (are you following this?!). For four whole weeks I've avoided the 'thing' that has turned my family into various states of the walking dead (which is a vast improvement for some of them) & now it has infected me.
I can't win. I get red puffy, watery eyes in the Summer because of Hay Fever & then I get them in the sodding Winter because of some mutant strain of a bug that has ideas above it's station & isn't happy to be classed in the simple category of a cold but has to go all out with the ridiculous symptoms of 50 odd infections stapled together.
I don't actually know which compulsion is strongest, to sneeze or cough. Don't try both, I wouldn't advise it.

I sneezed earlier today after trying to hold it in, it was just a shame I was stood in front of the patio doors at the time because I sneezed & my head whacked the glass & re-bounded off it(& shamefully enough, that is not the first time that has happened. I am convinced on occasions that I was put on this earth solely for entertainment value!). I personally didn't find it hilarious in the least, unlike my sister & brother who were very nearly crying with laughter. The sympathy in this house leaves a lot to be desired at times. Especially when it comes to delicate little flowers like me..!

But I am expecting things to get imminently worse as according to the NHS Direct website, I either have Botulism or Meningitis & apparently, should be dialling 999 immediately.
It really is no wonder that people get it in their heads they are dying of some incurable disease or have gangrene when in actual fact, it's a mild dose of athlete's foot.
Self diagnosis websites & books help nobody. My nana has a book that describes every possible symptom of every possible disease under the sun. So what does she do when she gets a tickly cough? Looks up the symptoms & convinces herself it's a possible case of pneumonia if she doesn't keep an eye on it.
And then races to the cupboard to fish out an echinacea tea which will apparently fight every evil, despite containing 0.1% of the actual helpful ingredient so as well as tasting absolutely foul, it's about as much use as being armed with a butter knife when fighting a master swordsman.

Seeing as I am so dreadfully ill according to NHS direct I am going to take myself off to hide under a fat duvet with hot chocolate (a girl needs to keep her fluid intake up you know) & possibly some Galaxy milk chocolate (equally, a girl needs to keep her calcium intake up... That is obviously the only reason for such things as Galaxy) & to make the most of it before I'm dragged from my deathbed by the evil sister who has somehow taken a "maybe" as a signed in blood contract for me to accompany her to Primark.

If I don't post again it's because I've impaled myself on a bent coat hanger after surrendering the will to live.

Illness + 3 floor Primark + moody teenage sister + Friday shoppers + public transport = a tetchy, murderous & suicidal GND.

In that order, just in case you're wondering.


9 October 2008

Take Back The City

How I love this latest track of Snow Patrol's.

I love them anyway & although I don't think it's one of their absolute best, it has grown on me & I adore it now. Unfortunately I have to wait another eighteen days for their album to come out, A Hundred Million Suns. I will definitely be getting it though.

The video to this track isn't bad either in a funny way but I can't embed it on here as the muppets in charge of Youtube have decided to disable embedding on certain videos.
So here's the link - Take Back The City.

I don't think this track shows just how good Gary Lightbody's voice is but I'd marry him for his voice alone. Heavenly.
I guess it also helps that he's tall. And dark. And Irish.

Oh well, a girl can dream! ;o)

8 October 2008


It is a terrible thing.

I just went & had a browse of the HMV website (or, as my nana likes to call it, HIV. I have tried explaining but to no avail!) & decided to have a look at my wishlist on there. It contains 143 albums containing anything from The Clash to Peter Gabriel to The Prodigy & Joy Division with everything in between. The amount was quite a shock to me as I guessed it to be about 70. How wrong I was!

I know that when I hit my 30's I'm going to be one of those people that has a whole wall covered with a CD self & the shelf filled to the brim.
I already have about 130 albums but in my defence, I do actually listen to them all on a regular basis.
I'm definitely a music type & not a film type, I only have about 5 DVD's in my possession & 2 of those were given to me.

I have come to the conclusion that I have four obsessions in my life;


But it could be so much worse.
I could be a chav obsessed with Burberry, White Lightening, fake gold & popping chavettes out by the dozen all paid for by the hard working public.
Thank God for small mercies!

7 October 2008

I Have Discovered Something

Namely, that I can semi dislocate my knee.
I'm not quite sure how I discovered this but I can click it out partially, wobble it when I'm standing & then click it back.
You can actually hear it click & clunk so I'm thinking maybe it isn't such a good thing to do but it has such amazing capabilities of producing sickened & disgusted faces on those that are watching that it's almost too good an opportunity to resist.

It sickens my whole family. Even my brother looked pretty disgusted with it! But asked me to do it again in a sort of morbidly curious way.

But the best bit is being able to semi dislocate my hip & knee at the same time. It sickens my sisters & they leave the room. Perfect! ;o)

Puppy Love

After a bath.
Two seconds later he decided to spray me & the bathroom with the drippings from his coat.

The puppy loves me.

I know this because when he was laid at my feet earlier today (don't ask me why but he loves laying his head on my feet. I think it's the contact that does it) & my sister cuffed me on the shoulder playfully, Sam jumped up & nearly took a chunk out of her forearm in protective mode.
She screamed & I laughed, Sam sat there & snarled.
She did it again to test & he barked & was ready to launch himself at her.
It's not that he can't be trusted because he is the soppiest dog I have known but if he senses any threat he will protect 'his' family.

He has a habit of ambling up to me if I'm sat down & laying his head in my lap. That is my cue for cuddles & fuss. He also quite likes resting his head on the side of the laptop when I'm on it. Like now.

And for some ridiculous reason, he buries his head behind my calves in the vain hope I will protect him from the evils of the hoover & scary plastic bags. Obviously, they pose a mortal danger to black spaniel X's.

He has settled in really, really well & since he's been here we've managed to guess at a bit of his history.
He was scared of my brother when he first arrived & would cower away from him or slink under the table.

He cowers & shakes if you lift a broom up or make a sudden movement with one.
He is quite clingy & howled & whimpered if he was left alone when we first had him. He's now much better & I think has realised that when we leave the house, it is only for a few hours & not a whole day.

There is no doubt at all that he was hit by whoever had him before. As well as the phobias he has for brooms & similar he was also scared of having his face touched when we first had him.
The equivalent of what I'd call headshy in a horse, he was ok if he could see your hands but if you attempted to go near his face or ears with them he'd pull away & flinch. He now lets me stroke his cheeks, nose & ears with no problems so he has got 100% better.

He also lays flat on his back for me to stroke his belly. If I ignore him he wriggles onto my feet practically & if I give into him he falls asleep, fast asleep with legs splayed, on his back, snoring his head off.

The downsides?

He gets mixed up between food lust & actual lust & therefore is frequently caught with everything hanging out. It's not attractive!

On a rebellious mood, he decided to get up & pee in front of the T.V while giving me a very defiant look as he was doing it. I was the only one up & let me tell you, dog pee absolutely reeks.

Tearing a cushion to shreds, then rolling in the filling, is not the way to get popular. It took him three cushions to learn that fact.

Nipping bums also does not get him a warm reception. I haven't fallen victim to that. Yet.

Neither does being caught sat on the sofa, surveying his surroundings like Lord Muck. His face when he caught sight of me was absolute & total shock & horror. I stood in the doorway & watched him as he looked around, he then caught sight of me & froze. It was pure comedy.

Oh, & I am the only one who can get him to lay down with a point of the finger or a look.

Actually, he's pretty much exactly how I like my men, obedient, loyal & a bit of a clown! Lol

2 October 2008


I promise this is not my imagination. It's really not. But the minute October hit it turned freezing. I went out yesterday in tights, leggings, boots, a t shirt, 2 jumpers & a jacket & was still freezing my bum off!

It must be cold because I stole a fleece blanket from the airing cupboard & have taken to wearing pyjamas to bed the last few nights.

How is it possible for it to go from slightly chilly to freezing cold in a matter of days?!
It's definitely not psychological. Or even logical actually...

Anyway, I am one of those sad people that love Winter, I do end up getting sick of Summer (not that we've had a Summer to get sick of the past two years) & I love the fresh chill of early Winter.
And I love the things that come along with it like;

1. Custard. It's the best comfort food in the whole world. Really!

2. As I am no longer grounded, being able to ride out on frosty mornings.

3. The fact I can be legitimately pale & not be stared at like a freak by the tangoed tanorexics I frequently see out. The palest of fake tan looks stupid on me & it takes me about a week to get even a hint of a natural tan so I don't bother.

4. I can wear boots every day of the week if I want to.

5. Hot chocolate tastes better when it's cold.

6. The Cheltenham Festival draws ever nearer. I may actually get to go this year.

7. Being able to hibernate under my duvet & be cosy rather than kick it off through being much too hot & nearly suffocating.