4 February 2009


It's just happens to be the crazy little thing that is the bane of my life. More so this week than ever before.

I have a friend, I've been friends with him for about 3ish years now & throughout that time he has made it plain he'd quite like more than friendship, while I've made it plain I want nothing more than friendship. It was one of those things that was fairly easy to bat off, he'd flirt, drop hints & then ask me out. I'd ignore all efforts of flirting, play dumb at the hints & refuse his offers of a date.
Align Centre
At least by being like that, I figured there would be no mixed messages, no awkward moments & hopefully, no damage to the friendship. If he wasn't a good friend I'd have told him to jog on. As it is, he is a good friend & I don't have the heart to be harsh.

I am a very playful & natural flirt, to the point where I don't even realise I am flirting at times so I've made a big & concentrated effort not to flirt with him so nothing can be taken the wrong way. This is much harder than it sounds for me as my nature is programmed to be cheery, flirty & cheeky.

This was all ok until last year when he went off the radar. He went from being in touch quite regularly to nothing at all. Understandably, I was quite worried as when a friend just goes quiet, you tend to start wondering things. Anyway, I text him & sent a message on MSN as well as an email over a period of a few months to see if he was ok. No answer. So I took the hint & left it.

Out of the blue, over New Year I get a text from him wishing me happy new year & apologising for the disappearing act. I asked him what had been wrong & it came out that he'd got quite seriously depressed. That really isn't good & I was really worried about him but he has assured me that he's fine now & it's sorted. He's still on medication but the thing that was making him depressed is now no longer around so he's back at university etc.

The thing is now, the flirting thing has started up again & seems to have gone from hopeful flirting to a declaration of love.

This is not good. God knows how long he spent typing out what he text me, I wouldn't be surprised if he had RSI at the end of it but this is what arrived in my text inbox the other day.....

"I can't understand why you're single or how any man could have you & then let you go again. I'd give anything to have that with you & I don't know if you'll ever have those sort of feelings for me. It's unfair of me to ask you if you think that's possible but I want you to know that I love you. I'm in love with you & I have been for the past three years. You're all I want in a woman. You're stunningly pretty, you have the whole package, the looks, the personality & the humour. You're everything I dream of & I'd do anything to have you fall in love with me. You're all I think about. I've thought about this & if I had the opportunity to spend the rest of my life with you, I'd be the happiest man in the world & I wouldn't hesitate to ask for your hand in marriage."

My initial reaction was to read it & then think "F^&k". The best I could do was text him back three hours later & jokingly say he was looking through rose tinted spectacles & was silly for thinking what he did. I realise that's probably not the most stunning plan of action but it was the best I could come up with at the time......

It's not that there's anything wrong with the guy.... He's 27, good career plans, not a waster, kind, generous, caring & a heart of gold. He is absolutely lovely. But I am not attracted to him in any way. It would be like kissing my brother to kiss him. IE; It wouldn't even enter my head. There is absolutely nothing there on my part. But for some incomprehensible reason, he has always had a thing for me.

I've said that I don't feel there is anything there to base a relationship on, that we're much better as friends etc etc etc. But he just comes back with ways around the obstacles I put in his path.

I did eventually properly reply to the text saying that at the moment, I don't feel anywhere near ready for a relationship & I don't need the hassle of one but that is wrong in that if the right guy came along, I'd consider it.
And if I do end up seeing someone, well, he's going to know the excuse I provided was a pack of lies.

He seems to think that all I need is time & eventually, I'll see that he is the perfect man for me.
Except he isn't.

He thinks if he buys me stuff it'll prove how much he likes me (I told him straight to not even try that as I'd never talk to him again. Again, not the most genius of replies but I didn't want him buying anything for me thinking it would change my mind.)

I can't be blunt with him. When I'm blunt, I really am blunt & I don't want to hurt him. But at the same time, I don't want to give him any hope that something may happen in the future because it absolutely won't.

I've tried burying my head in the sand but that makes him more insistent so that obviously isn't the way to go.

I've tried skirting around the issue but then he just tries to persuade me otherwise.

This isn't how it's supposed to be!!! It's not in the rule book. Your friends are not supposed to fall in love with you. Friends are there to get you through the bad times & be ribbed on every possible occasion, not to live happily ever after with.

The man who tells me he's in love with me & wants to marry me should be the man I want to hear it from, not a friend I feel nothing beyond friendship for!

I have a creeping feeling that I am either going to have to be (gently) blunt with him or end the friendship because I really can't stand being told by him that I'm this, that or the other at least once weekly.

As I said, if he hadn't had the problems he'd had last year then I'd feel ok telling him there is not a cat in hells chance of him ever being more than a friend. But I really don't feel I can do that.

If he was a twat, I'd feel quite happy saying that & purposely being a bit vicious but he isn't a twat. He's lovely.

It would be like kicking a puppy.


dickiebo said...

He's clearly an irriot! Tell him that you see him as you see a brother. End of story!

Littleacornman said...

Can't blame him for trying, but I would just explain to him that there's no spark or chemistry between you and there's no changing that.It either exists or it doesn't.

Dark Side said...

Like the others have said, he may be a lovely guy but as a friend once you had made it clear you are not interested in him in that way he should respect your wishes and not continue to put pressure on you.

Good luck...xx

Bin Thair said...

We blokes need things in words of one syllable. Important to say that not only do you not feel that way about him now, but that this will not change in the future, because although you care about him deeply, that indefinable "click" isn't there. And keep on saying it. Lovingly, gently, but loud and clear.

He's lucky to have you as a friend.

P.S. You doing anything this weekend, sweetie? ;-)