2 August 2009


Why is it the men with 'issues' always seem to track me down? Why is it I never get talking to a nice, sane, man with a decent sense of humour & no hang ups?!

I haven't had a proper relationship since Mr. S & I'm fast feeling like it's never going to happen again. Because of this my 'wonderful' friends decided to set me up with someone who I don't know but is a friend of a friend type thing. This was a few months ago now & to begin with, it was OK. He has the same interest in horses (plus point. I've had a boyfriend get jealous of my horse which is worrying & hysterical in equal measure) he is older than me by a few years or so but nothing major. So I decided that yes, I'd go for a few drinks with him & see what happened. I did point out to him that I wasn't entirely sure if I actually wanted a relationship & was more of the opinion it would be better to see how things go & he agreed.

So as I said, we went for a drink or two & stayed in touch via text & phone because at the time, my time was tied up with things going on with family & a housemove as well as a very good friend of mine having a bad time with things & needing a bit of support. Previous to even meeting this man my friends set me up with I'd organised a weekend to spend with the above mentioned friend.
I fully hold my hands up & admit that this friend is an ex boyfriend. He is the only ex boyfriend I've kept in touch with & I absolutely do not see why I should give up a perfectly good friend because of somebody else's jealousy. Especially when this friendship is ONLY a friendship & he is one of my most trusted friends.

I have two major thorns in my side concerning this man my friends have set me up with.

A. If he'd sent me a text in the afternoon which I hadn't replied to by mid evening, he'd send me another 3 or 4 texts asking what was wrong, where was I etc etc.
Er, hello! But I do have my own life & I do like my independence & I don't see how he feels he has the right to question me about that especially when the only commitment I've ever made to him is to have two dates with him.
Even if I'm in a relationship I don't see that as a valid reason for living in your partners pocket & I am the sort of person who enjoys my own time & doing my own thing as well as spending time with a partner. Just because I have my own interest doesn't mean I don't have a time for a partner & just because I'm in a relationship, doesn't mean I should give up my all of my independence & things I enjoy doing. It's easy enough to divide time between the two.

B. When I said that I wouldn't be around a certain weekend because I was spending it with my friend all I got was 20 questions.

Oh. It's a he?
Who is he?
Where does he live?
Is he an ex boyfriend then? I am slightly ashamed to say that I lied at this point & said no, he was just a friend & I do realise that is no way to inspire trust in someone but there was no way I was going to tell him the truth because I didn't want one question after another, I didn't want an argument & I didn't want to end up telling him to F off because that is most certainly what would have happened if I'd have told him the truth.
How old is he?
What does he do for a job?
Is he married?
Does he have a girlfriend?
Is he gay?

All of those questions just because I'd arranged to spend a weekend with my friend before I even knew this man my friends had set me up with even existed.
He is a grown man. What is with all the questions & the insecurity?!

I could understand the questions if things were of a more official 'boyfriend & girlfriend' nature & I could accept his point of view that you wouldn't want your new girlfriend going to spend a weekend with her ex. But as things were nowhere near that stage & I'd only gone for two or three drinks with him then I couldn't & wouldn't accept the questioning & the insecurity.

And the result of the above is that things are stalemate. I won't accept his offer of any more dates & he won't accept that actually, I'm only interested in friends.

I don't know why I seem to come across such idiots. It's not even like I want anything unreasonable from a man.
But then again, maybe it is me & maybe what I think isn't unreasonable is actually asking quite a lot from someone. I don't know but I really cannot be doing with being held to account for every movement I make & every person I see. My life's ambition is most definitely not to end up living with the Gestappo.

Rant over ;o)


dickiebo said...

I reckon that most girls will agree with you, whereas most fellas (at least, most fellas of MY era) will not!
Anyway. You do exactly what you want to do, m'deario. We're with you!

brown eyed girl said...

Im with you on this..
Why did the guy give you 20 questions like that?
You are free and single and can be friends with who you like and shouldnt have to explain anything..
Other peoples insecurities shouldnt be forced onto us, stay as you are and take no notice..
Enjoy your weekend but dont forget to take a peek in those bushes from time to time..hehe (sorry couldnt resist that) :)

Girl*Next*Door said...

Diciebo, I think I know what you're saying!

B.E.G; I could understand it entirely if I'd actually made a commitment to go in to a relationship with him but not when I'd only really chatted to him as a friend.
I enjoyed my weekend thanks & had a fabulous time :o)

Anonymous said...

Well if you only said you want to be friends he should just bite his nails and wonder....I have been in similar situations and realised that only a question or 2 is acceptable. Even if you want to ask more....you don't have the right.