This week has been the most stressful of my life. The muscles at the base of my neck & my shoulder muscles are in knots & I have had to bite my tongue so many times I've almost bitten it off. By the way, this is a very long & moany post & for that I apologise but I need some way of getting my frustration & anger out without turning to drink or the knife block.
The reason for me feeling this way is my wonderful brother. He phoned my mum up the other week asking if he could come & stay for a week & after some thought she said yes.
The week went something like this;
Sunday: Normal Sunday family life & being so stupid as to think my brother (who I shall refer to as L) had maybe grown up a little at last.
Monday: L spends the whole day sniping at me. I realise he hasn't grown up. At all.
Tuesday: L passes comment on every single member of the family. 90% of which is negative.
Wednesday: L has reverted back to being a complete twat rather than the normal 65% twat content. I hide myself in my room for most of the evening as it's either that or I blow my top at his opinions on everyone else's life.
Thursday: L spends the day out. The black cloud that had descended over the house momentarily lifts.
Friday: I find myself constantly walking away from L as I cannot bear to listen to one more bit of sanctimoious 'advice', holier than thou opinions or complete crap that spews out of his mouth on a daily basis.
Saturday: L starts again. I go absolutely mad & flip my lid.....
I know for a fact I am easy to live with. I've been told this by quite a few people. Even my slightly critical mother has told me this. I rarely have a problem with anyone's behaviour & it has to be pretty far out of line for me to comment on it.
On Monday, L spent the whole day passing snide comments on my life & other people's. I kept my mouth shut for my mum's sake. It takes a lot to wind me up but L would push a saint to cursing.
His comments ranged from; "You know what, you should get a job" to criticising my taste in clothes (telling me I look a mess) to my hair & makeup to my love life (!) to various other things he had no business whatsoever to comment on.
I caught my mum's eye on a few of these occasions & she just shook her head which is code for 'don't rise to the bait' because L has a habit of showing off like a 2 year old when he is confronted.
Throughout the whole week he has taken the P. He has borrowed money off of my mum (which he has still not paid back) & despite claiming he is piss poor has miraculously found money to go drinking with. Twice.
My sister works nights & he has told her she sleeps too much during the day. She does an 8 hour shift plus overtime sometimes & sleeps for about eight hours through the day.
L has then got the 16 week old puppy by his back legs, splayed the pup's legs as he's holding them up & attempted to do the wheelbarrow with him. It's a well known fact that the breed of the new puppy can have hip problems & apart from that, the puppy was trying to bite my brother & growling which is an obvious sign he doesn't like what is being done to him.
He automatically helps himself to food & drink. And he is very generous with whatever he has. He doesn't even have the courtesy to ask! All the food & drink in the house is for everyone but it's nice to ask. Especially when he pays nothing towards the house kitty.
He has purposely wound the dogs up. When he's specifically been told/asked not to tease them with food etc.
He has not got out of bed before 11am throughout the whole week he's been here. He then comes down, spills half the coffee & sugar over the clean worktops, comes in to the living room, grabs the remote & turns the TV over, pulls the cushions off the sofa & slouches his stinking body over the whole sofa.
Without so much as a 'good morning' to whoever is in the room at the time. Whether they are watching TV or listening to the radio is of absolutely no concern to him.
My other brother, the aboslute diamond of a brother, has given me his old laptop. L asked to borrow it so I (stupidly) let him. He put it down to go & get something but I noticed that he put it on the coffee table & because he couldn't be bothered to move his mug & plate he perches MY laptop on the edge of the coffee table meaning half of the lap top is hanging off the table edge. I ask him to put it on the table properly because the pup is in the habit of putting his front paws on the table & climbing up or will pull anything left on the table on to the floor. L kicks off & shoves the laptop along the table, slamming the screen down & almost trashing it in the process.
I go mad & tell him he can forget using it again.
His reply? "Fine. If I want to use a computer I'll use somebody else's & not your heap of crap"
At this point I walked out in to the back garden & went for a walk because if I hadn't, I seriously would have slapped him.
He has bought a digital camera with him to use while he is here & despite knowing I absolutely hate having my picture taken at the best of times, has come up to me twice this week & taken horrible pictures of me when I have looked my worst (flu).
In answer to one he took, apparently he's seen better at Gloucester cattle market & I looked like a pig.
I could accept it & shrug it off if he wasn't my brother & if it hadn't been said with such malice.
It would be funny but not when he's saying it about & in front of someone who has a serious hang up about their looks & saying it in a snidey way. I've come to terms with the fact I'm not ugly but I don't ever feel I'm anything more than average & at 18/19, went through a period of eating barely anything & surviving on sugary black coffee purely because of the issues I had with my physical appearance through my teen years that I had blown out of all proportion. I'm not as silly as that now but I am still really sensitive about things & I am aware that I have to gloss over what I don't like about myself or else I know I will go down the same route of not eating & controlling food etc.
He knows all of this so why say it?
So, those are the less annoying episodes of his week here. The main reason I went ballistic on Saturday was because of his attitude & his reply to a simple request of mine.
Saturday morning, L walks in to the living room, slouches on the sofa & says not a word to me.
The rest of the family are out & I ask him if he wouldn't mind giving the kitchen tops a quick wipe over & putting the few things that are in the draining board, in the cupboard.
L; "I might do. I'm on holiday"
GND; "Yes L, I know. But I've done the biggest part of the housework & I need to do something for me now so can you just do what I've asked you please?"
L; "Why the fuck should I?! I don't fucking live here. It's not my mess"
GND; "Actually L, it is partly your mess & regardless of that we're all expected to pull our weight around the house & I don't see why you should be any different"
L "Oh fuck off. You've got fuck all right to tell me what to do"
GND; "Stop swearing please."
L; "Fuck you. Fuck off. I'm not clearing up your fucking crap"
GND; "It's not my crap. It's everyone's, including yours" (I am struggling to hold my temper at this point & I now refuse to give in as a matter of principle)
L; "You haven't got a fucking job. you rely on mum for everything. I look after myself. You ask our stepdad for lifts everwhere, you get mum to do everything for you & you whinge like a spoilt brat over hospital appointments. So tell me why the fucking hell I should clear up the fucking shit everywhere"
GND; "Oh I do, do I? Let's go through this shall we? I am swimming against the tide with jobs & my health is ok but not the best. It's only acceptable because I've worked hard to make it that way & if I want to do something that will take it out of me physically for any length of time, I have to dose myself up on painkillers.
I do not rely on mum. She insists on doing the cooking & other things & refusing offers of help.
I only ask for a lift from D (stepdad) if I know he's going close to where I want to go. And I'm not even dignifying the rest with an answer"
L; "For fucks sake, shut the fuck up. I've got NVQ's, what have you got? Oh yeah, a poxy laptop & a pony. You're a fucking loser"
GND; "Right, I've had enough of you & your attitude. If I'm such a loser, how about you take a look in the mirror & see what a bonafide dickhead looks like? But then again, you wouldn't need a mirror with the amount you wave your dick around,. You & half of the female population of Cornwall should be well aware of what a dick head looks like by now. And asshole would be a more appropriate way to address you but despite speaking a load of shit on a hourly basis, you lack the ponytail"
I then went on to say the below to him;
A: You might have NVQ's but you've probably got a few STD's to go with them.
B: You only supposedly look after yourself because your pregnant girlfriend has kicked you out because you were shagging around with a 15 year old & yu have had no choice but to look after yourself .
C. You have a son who's mother will barely allow you near because of how you are.
D. You already have a child you cannot support, emotionally or financially & despite that, you've gone ahead & agreed to have another one.
E. You have stolen from a previous employer to feed your coke habit. And you relied on somebody else's good nature to get you out of the crap.
F. You lie as easily as breathe.
G. You have the morals of an alleycat. At least I have never had to pay a visit to the clap clinic because I have a case of crabs.
H. I have not driven while drunk & written my partner's car off & because of that, lost my job along with my licence.
I. I have not shit on practically every member of the family in one way or another.
J. I have never purposely put someone down & watched them cry because of what I've said to them.
I. If I really was such a loser I'd have taken the option of getting myself up the duff months ago & getting provided with a shedload of benefits, more help with work than I'm currently getting & a house to myself to live in. As it is I'm not as shameless & low as yourself. And if that makes me a loser L, then I'm overjoyed because at least it means I'll never end up going down the path you've taken.
I then told him that I wasn't going to waste any more of my time or breath on him & that I knew who I'd rather be out of the two of us. Also, that the letters of the alphabet would run out before I got to the end of his list of misdemeanours & cock-ups.
He's the lowest of the low. He's even gone on about the really shitty time I had in hospital. Apparently, he didn't know what all the fuss was about, he's had harder stuff to cope with.
The difference is my health is not of my doing & how the hell does he work out that after having a failed operation that came very close to3 killing me, then having to go back three months later for the exact same operation to be attempted again, is easy?
He's going home tomorrow (which cannot come soon enough) & it's gone from me willing to give him a second chance to only acknowledging his presence if I absolutely have to.
I would go to the train station to see him off & actually make sure he gets on his train but I am slightly concerned that if I did, my next stop would be the police station for murder as I would be sorely tempted to push him in front of the 10:35 to Paddington.
I wouldn't of course. But only because our local emergency services have enough shit to shovel, without adding my brother to their list. ;-)
Oh, and if I had been equal to his well built 6'4 rather than being a tiddly 5' I would happily have slapped him across the face for saying what he said to me but as it is, I'm tiny & he is very tall & finding something to stand on in order to slap him would have completely ruined the effect.
The fire in my belly is often sleeping but when it is doused with the right accelerant it is gauranteed to go from campfire to raging inferno.
*Lots of deep, controlled breaths*
(I'll be back to my sunny self once he's gone.)