27 December 2009

2000 Miles

I'm feeling a little bit sad tonight.

The New Man is in the Navy and he is on deployment to Norway at the moment.
He went away on the 8th of November and returned on the 13th of December for the Christmas period.
I've seen him & spoken to him a few times but he has had to cram visits to all his friends and family in before the 2nd of January which is when he goes back out to Norway again.

The only problem this time is he is going to be away until the last week of March/first week of April.

I am going to miss him a lot.

Technology is brilliant, at least we can keep in touch via Skype and MSN but it is just not the same as being able to see him in the flesh & be held by him.

On top of this there are difficulties in his life going on and of course I understand that he is stretched for time while he is in England and of course I appreciate the effort he makes to keep in touch with me while he is in Norway, especially as we haven't really made things 'official' yet, but it is still hard to not be able to see him properly.

I got a bit tipsy on Christmas day and Boxing day and as some long-time readers will know, I find it hard to be truthful about my feelings in a relationship and to allow myself to be vulnerable.
I know I put barriers up and I know I am not the easiest person to be with in the fledgeling stages of a relationship as I am too independant.
I don't give the person I am seeing enough opportunity to grow close to me as I find it hard to allow my emotions to be seen for fear of getting hurt.
This has been a self-destruct type thing once before and since then I have tried to make the effort to allow myself to be more vulnerable with a partner and to not cut myself off so much emotionally.

Because I was tipsy over Christmas I plucked up the courage to text him and tell him that I liked him an awful lot and although I wasn't speaking marriage proposals and babies, I want him to be around for a while.
I was very embarrassed the next morning and I didn't hear from him all day and so I thought maybe I'd scared him off so imagine my delight when he text me back to say that I didn't need to be scared because he liked me also. Alot.
And that when he got back from his last stretch in Norway he wanted to work on us getting to know each other properly and that he'd take me away for the weekend so we could spend some quality time together.

I had a little grin on my face for the rest of the day.

It's hard to explain but this thing that's happened, that I honestly expected nothing more than a friendship from, has been a lovely surprise.
Even more so when I consider we have such similar personalities, that the five hours I spent with him the other week felt no more than one hour and that conversation just naturally flows between us.

Mr S was special and I thought things would last with him and it was a revelation to me that a relationship could be that good but I didn't feel this relaxed even with him and things weren't this easy & harmonious with him either.
I didn't think things could improve on how Mr S was so this is a bit of a lovely surprise.

I really will miss the New Man when he goes to Norway but I am so looking forward to seeing him when he gets back.
He is special.

And today's song is;

The Pretenders - 2000 Miles.

It describes my situation perfectly at the moment! :o)


Taurus said...

Old geezer here, I feel that way about my wife after almost 40 years. Ain't love grand.

thoughts running through my head.... said...

so sweet,he sounds really nice-heres to 2010 working out for you hun.xx

Elliott said...

Hey J,

Happy Christmas and glad to hear it going well.

E x

Girl*Next*Door said...

Taurus ~ Love is indeed grand, when it works out! lol
Happy Christmas to you too :o)

T ~ Yeah, he is lovely. Thanks & i hope 2010 brings everything you want it to as well :o) xx

Elliot ~ Thanks. Happy Christmas to you too :o)

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