31 December 2009

Happy New Year









Happy New Year guys and girls!

I am a bit gutted as I had planned to go in to town with friends and my older brother to see in the New Year but I have gone down with this horrible flu bug that is going around and despite dosing myself up on painkillers, I am still feeling awful :o(

So the only celebrating I shall be doing tonight is to watch Jools Holland's Hootenanny while snuggled under my quilt with iboprofen and plentiful amounts of honey and lemon.

I hope the New Year brings everything you wish it to and I hope those who are working it stay happy, healthy and safe.


Despite feeling ill I cheered myself up by having a look at the sales online. I was very good as I only spent £20.00 including postage and packing.

My buys were;


Sequin jacket from Peacocks reduced from £40.00 to £12.00. Bargain! I wanted this when it was full price as I'd been looking for a sequin jacket for ages but couldn't find one that fitted right or was in my budget. This has cropped sleeves so they won't be too long and it is fitted enough that it won't swamp my petite frame. It will look great with the shorts below or some skinny jeans.




Grey snake print denim shorts reduced from £14.00 to £4.00. I like these as I think they'd look great with tights and either ballet pumps or my black suede pirate boots and a vintage t-shirt.



Grey button vest top reduced from £4.00 to £2.00. A good basic vest that can be dressed up or down.





I hope the jacket fits and the shorts. I saw the shorts instore and they come up quite small so I went for a bigger size than normal. I can always use a belt for them.
Ditto the jacket as I'll wear a t-shirt underneath and I don't want it to feel tight across my shoulders.

I just have to wait for it all to arrive now!





27 December 2009

2000 Miles









I'm feeling a little bit sad tonight.

The New Man is in the Navy and he is on deployment to Norway at the moment.
He went away on the 8th of November and returned on the 13th of December for the Christmas period.
I've seen him & spoken to him a few times but he has had to cram visits to all his friends and family in before the 2nd of January which is when he goes back out to Norway again.

The only problem this time is he is going to be away until the last week of March/first week of April.

I am going to miss him a lot.

Technology is brilliant, at least we can keep in touch via Skype and MSN but it is just not the same as being able to see him in the flesh & be held by him.

On top of this there are difficulties in his life going on and of course I understand that he is stretched for time while he is in England and of course I appreciate the effort he makes to keep in touch with me while he is in Norway, especially as we haven't really made things 'official' yet, but it is still hard to not be able to see him properly.

I got a bit tipsy on Christmas day and Boxing day and as some long-time readers will know, I find it hard to be truthful about my feelings in a relationship and to allow myself to be vulnerable.
I know I put barriers up and I know I am not the easiest person to be with in the fledgeling stages of a relationship as I am too independant.
I don't give the person I am seeing enough opportunity to grow close to me as I find it hard to allow my emotions to be seen for fear of getting hurt.
This has been a self-destruct type thing once before and since then I have tried to make the effort to allow myself to be more vulnerable with a partner and to not cut myself off so much emotionally.


Because I was tipsy over Christmas I plucked up the courage to text him and tell him that I liked him an awful lot and although I wasn't speaking marriage proposals and babies, I want him to be around for a while.
I was very embarrassed the next morning and I didn't hear from him all day and so I thought maybe I'd scared him off so imagine my delight when he text me back to say that I didn't need to be scared because he liked me also. Alot.
And that when he got back from his last stretch in Norway he wanted to work on us getting to know each other properly and that he'd take me away for the weekend so we could spend some quality time together.


I had a little grin on my face for the rest of the day.

It's hard to explain but this thing that's happened, that I honestly expected nothing more than a friendship from, has been a lovely surprise.
Even more so when I consider we have such similar personalities, that the five hours I spent with him the other week felt no more than one hour and that conversation just naturally flows between us.


Mr S was special and I thought things would last with him and it was a revelation to me that a relationship could be that good but I didn't feel this relaxed even with him and things weren't this easy & harmonious with him either.
I didn't think things could improve on how Mr S was so this is a bit of a lovely surprise.


I really will miss the New Man when he goes to Norway but I am so looking forward to seeing him when he gets back.
He is special.



And today's song is;

The Pretenders - 2000 Miles.



It describes my situation perfectly at the moment! :o)




24 December 2009

Happy Christmas




Happy Christmas everyone! I hope you all have a lovely time and that the New Year brings all you wish for.

To those working over the festive period; May it be as hassle free as possible and I hope you all stay safe, well and have a lovely, happy and restful time with your loved ones when home time comes round.

The past year has been a bit of a so-so one for me and not all that good in some areas but amazingly fantastic in others. I hope things keep improving and I desperately hope I become one of the employed rather than what I feel, is dossing!

Have a fantastic time everyone and stay safe, warm and well xxxx








23 December 2009

Oooops

I went to Olympia last Thursday & all was well until it came to getting my train home. I allowed 45 minutes for a 15 minute tube journey only to miss my train by two minutes.

Off I went to the information desk to find out when the next available train was to my local station & was told it was at 22:15 & I would need to change at Bristol Temple Meads to catch a connecting train that would get in to my station at 01:15.

I arrive at Bristol Temple Meads, ask what platform the train goes from only to be told "Sorry love. This is the last train of the night. The next train is at 06:15 tomorrow morning"

"Shit"

I sat in the waiting room of Bristol Temple Meads Station with a long night ahead. I tried calling a a taxi company & was told the journey home would cost £90.00.
I had £15.00 cash on me so that was out of the question.

Two friends who could have helped me out were not available (considering it was 1am in the morning that is not surprising).

Just when I thought it couldn't get worse, the waiting room door flew open & I was told I had to leave by a very grumpy station worker.

Conversation as follows;

Grumpy Station Man - "We're locking up now. You need to get going"

GND proceeds to explain her problem & asks if there is either a 24hr greasy spoon/supermarket etc nearby or failing that, a police station that might be open?

G.S.M "No. not at this time of night. We're closing in 5 minutes so you need to be gone by then"

GND "Fine. *sarcasm on* Thanks so much for your incredibly helpful advice *sarcasm off*

I make my way out of the station & luckily, bump in to a very helpful Station Worker who tells me that there is a 24hr ASDA a matter of 10 minutes taxi ride away & a taxi rank just to the side of the station.

Thanking my lucky stars I go & join the queue for the taxi rank & when it comes to my turn, get a taxi with a very helpful driver who not only was astonished at the attitude of the one station worker but also waited outside ASDA for me to make sure that the Manager would let me stay in their 24hr cafe.

The Manager of the 24hr ASDA was incredibly nice & made sure I was OK sat in the corner of their canteen.

Five hours later & I found myself with yet another very nice taxi man who wished me a very safe journey & knocked a couple of pounds off of my taxi ride as I had £4.00 on me at that point.

I got on my train & managed to get to my station. Thinking I was safely home & dry I went to exit the the carriage only to be nearly knocked off my feet by an extremely rude middle-aged man who despite clearly being able to see I was about to exit the train, barged on to the carriage with his case meaning that when I got my feet & wits back again, the doors were closing & my bag got squashed in the automatic door, delaying the train by five minutes & leaving me with a very nearly squashed & broken riding whip.

Five minutes later I was home & safe but greeted by my mum telling me not to be so damn stupid next time! Erm, stupidity would be leaving 15 minutes for a 15 minute tube journey, not allowing 30 minutes for any delays!
I was awake, in total, for 39 hours as by the time I got home, I'd gone completely past the stage of tiredness & my body was on autopilot & quite wired.


To the man at Paddington who gave me the wrong information; I appreciate that English is a difficult language to learn & you are probably doing your best but if you are going to work in a position that requires you to advise people on journeys then it may be best you re-think your career.

To the Grumpy Station Man; I realise it was partially my own ditziness that got me in to the above mess but you really do not need to be so rude to somebody who is obviously in a bit of a trouble & quite upset at realising they may have to be sat on the streets all night. Particularly as they are female, young & slight.
A bit of good old fashioned advice goes a long way.

To the lovely & very helpful station worker; You won't ever know how relieved I felt at your information & directions & the fact that your few kind words went a long way in a stressful situation.

To the lovely taxi driver; Thank you for being a gentleman & raising a smile when all I felt like doing was having a little cry.

To the 24hr ASDA manger; Thank you too for being a gentleman & allowing me to doss in your canteen for the night. I have sent a letter of thanks to you.

To the kind taxi driver who knocked a bit off of my fair; Thanks for not making me feel worse than I already felt & thank you for your kindness.

To the bad mannered middle-aged man; I hope if you have a wife, sister, mother or daughter, that nobody ever treats them with the disrespect & blatant bad manners that you treated me with. And if they do, & you find out about it, that you have the good grace to remember what you did & feel ashamed of yourself.
Nobody should be treated with such shocking ill manners but especially a woman (because I'm an old fashioned kind of girl & believe that gentlemen should behave as such).


*Note to self* Book a room next year & stay overnight!

A now much warmer, less stressed & far less tired GND.


15 December 2009

Procrastination




I always do it. I wish I didn't now because I've had my eye on Denman since his heart scare last year & the odds for him in the Gold Cup were 6-1. They're now 2-1...

I was going to put a bet on him before he ran in the Hennessy Gold Cup but for some reason, didn't. He won it easily & now the odds are, quite frankly, rubbish.

Anyway, I love this horse & *drum roll* I'm going to be at the Gold Cup this year. After many setbacks either financially or healthwise I am now definitely going to the 2010 Festival. So that's my tip for the Gold Cup; Denman.

I will have to bundle myself up because A. It will be absolutely freezing cold & we're in the stands with all the commoners & B. It may provide a bit of padding against the crowds that I will no doubt get squished in!



Track for today;

Flogging Molly - If I Ever Leave This World Alive.



7 December 2009

Novelty


What a novelty to like someone, really like them and be completely at ease with them. To know they're as interested in you as you are in them.
To be relaxed and not feel under pressure. To be able to just enjoy what's happening, not feel like it's going to go wrong or that they are going to hurt you. To know that whatever happens, they will always respect you and treat you fairly. To be able to click with someone mentally as well as physically and feel happy around that person.

To have that person coax you out of your shell and reassure you that things are ok. To be able to talk about everything and nothing with them and it feel completely natural.
To be completely happy to go with the flow and to feel so at ease with that person.
To be able to trust them no matter what.
To be able to have banter and teasing with that person and laugh your head off with them.


Neither of us have made things 'official' so to speak, we're at the inbetween stage where it's not casual but also not defined as boyfriend and girlfriend because of a few complications that will be around until the New Year. Not, I hasten to add, because he is involved with anyone.

I feel so relaxed, happy, safe, secure and calm around him. I feel like I and my feelings are valued by him and that even if things don't work out, I know he wouldn't be a bastard to me.

I didn't even feel like this with Mr. S. I don't feel like I have to be trying all the time, I don't feel like he's spinning me lines and I feel I can be totally myself with him & that that will be completely ok.
I've made it crystal clear that I am not interested in a one night stand or a fling because my emotions get involved and I would rather be alone than just be used when it suits and that is more than ok with him.
I have taken a step back slightly, watched and waited to see what happens, sort of tested him.
He makes the effort, he puts himself out for me and he listens to me.
He fights my corner and reassures me when things are tough.

He makes me laugh and he 'gets' me.

I'm happy to stand back and go with the flow because I know his head won't be turned by the next pretty girl to walk by and that he will always be honest with me and in turn, I can be honest with him.
He gives me confidence in myself and makes me feel like the most desirable girl on earth. I can trust him.


We've been getting to know each other since September, talking and spending time with each other. And so far it feels amazing.

I don't want him to change his mind about things.


"I've caught myself smiling alone,
Just thinking of your voice.
Don't let me fall again for nothing more."





6 December 2009

I ♥ This

I love Snow Patrol. They can do no wrong in my eyes & I am loving this.


'Just Say Yes
'






I love the lyrics.


I'm running out of ways to make you see
I want you to stay here beside me
I won't be ok and I won't pretend I am
So just tell me today and take my hand
Please take my hand
Please take my hand

Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind
Only love

It's so simple and you know it is
You know it is, yeah
We can't be to and fro like this
All our lives
You're the only way to me
The path is clear
What do I have to say to you
For Gods sake, dear
For Gods sake, dear
For Gods sake, dear
For Gods sake, dear
For Gods sake, dear

Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind
Only love

Just say yes, coz I'm aching and I know you are too
For the touch of your warm skin
As I breathe you in

I can feel your heart beat through my shirt
This was all I wanted, all I want
Its all I want
Its all I want
Its all I want
Its all I want

Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind
Only love

Just say yes, coz Im aching and I know you are too
For the touch of your warm skin
As I breathe you in.



I think if somebody felt that way about you, it would be pretty perfect.