Hmmm. I went to see my consultant earlier as a result of a GP referral. After having X-Rays taken of my right ankle I believe the official term is 'fucked'. According to my consultant the problem has not improved with physiotherapy and has in fact got worse. 'The problem' being that my right ankle very helpfully turns in due to old issues with my hips, it is now past the point of preventative measures and on to operation territory. I won't lie, this doesn't fill me with anything other than cold leaden dread in the pit of my stomach because as the consultant so helpfully described (and what I already knew but was blanking) is that my ankle will have to be broken and pinned to get it set back to how it should be.
I am concerned on many levels and they are listed here:
1. How long until I can wear my heels again? At my height (lack of at just under 5ft!) I need every bit of height I can get.
2. There is no question of whether it will hurt. I know it will. I don't do pain that well, not when it involves flesh, metal and blood.
3. Last time I went under aneasthetic I nearly flew off this mortal coil to collect my wings and halo. I've been told aneasthetic and me do not mix well at all and as a result of that near-death experience, the last operation was covered by the top aneasthetist in the area who had cleared her entire day just in case my body decided to throw a hissy-fit again. There's never any promises that this won't happen again, only that they can lessen the chances. This scares me quite a lot.
4. No riding. No dog walking. No clubbing. No going out with friends. No fun basically.
5. I don't want to think about banging a massive metal frame with pins in on doorways or anything like that. The thought makes me feel physically sick.
6. Do metal pins and the like come in metallic purple? I would be very happy if they did! If not I may have to break out the spray paints or nail varnish ;o).
7. What if it doesn't work and my ankle gets worse or doesn't improve?
I don't know when this operation is going to happen or whether they will change their minds but I am doing the ostrich impression of burying my head in the sand (but not with my arse in the air!) and going about day-to-day life as if it isn't actually going to happen becuase I am a wimp. If I think about it I will be heading to the nearest port and stowing away to some far-flung land where the only living things are horses and Gerard Butler lookalikes, where corsets grow on trees, and where various alcohol is free. It would also be good if there is a magic wand that could actually solve most problems painlessly.
I am a wimp and I am not ashamed to admit it!
On a brighter note, this is Snow Patrol's latest release and I love it :o)
And this, which never fails to put a smile on my face or cheer me up, Peter Gabriel - Solsbury Hill.
I haven't actually told the boyfriend yet. He is away on deployment at the moment and I don't think he needs to be worrying about something that is a little while away. When he comes back he will be like a mother hen and as much as I try to be thankful, I do feel sometimes like he is trying to wrap me in cotton wool so it's best he doesn't know for now :o).