16 August 2011

In To Battle


I got up yesterday morning in the usual state of caffiene-deprived grogginess and generally half-asleep still. I wandered in to the kitchen, put the kettle on and came back in to the living room to draw the curtains. Usually they stay closed for the first half hour or so but it was 6.30am and the sun looked glorious so I thought I'd open them early. I made my way over to the curtains and then stood stock-still for there on the white curtain was a spider of woman-eating proportions. I kid you not, it was massive. I actually stood there and swore aloud at the size of it. Bear in mind I'd only been awake five minutes, it was 6.30am in the morning and all I had to protect myself with was a vest top and pyjama bottoms, I think swearing was quite a mild reaction!

Swiftly, before it decided to scuttle away or launch itself at my face, I ran through the options:

1. Call stepdad. Even though he loves me, he doesn't love me enough to come and rescue me from spiders at almost the crack of dawn.

2. Squirt something at it to kill it. After a quick run-through in my panicked state at what was available to squirt it with, that was also a no-go.

3. Leave it there. NO WAY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH IS THAT STAYING THERE.

4. Go in to battle with whatever weapons at my disposal. My only chance.

All the while this was going through my mind, I was making little squeaks of fear and my tummy felt like it was about to fall out through my feet it was squirming that much.
so, option 4 was decided on but I then realised I was bare-foot so it was a very quick run to the bedroom to get my boots (the heavy-duty ones I use for the yard and walking), put them on and then grab the hoover. All the time I was trying to keep one eye on the horrible hairy mutant stuck to my curtains.

So, hoover plugged in and I am booted in case I need to either stomp or run. At this point I was stood about two feet from the spider and was trying to breathe properly and not squeal. Finally, after a minute's psyching myself up, I switched the hoover on and tried to hold the nozzle up to the spider without screaming or my arm involuntarily jerking away and all the time I'm hopping from foot to foot. Just as I went to suck it up the hoover it tried to move away and was half-dangling, half-clinging to the curtain.

I screamed. I properly screamed and jumped around a bit and everything. Somehow, I managed to shove the hoover nozzle blindly at the mutant in the vain hope it would suck it up and get it out of my way and thankfully it did.

Only then did I start to breathe nornmally again, well I did until it struck me that spiders have a habit of being able to scuttle through pipes easily. Luckily, the sellotape was within reach and I had the sense to leave the hoover on as I taped up the nozzle and taped the nozzle to the actual pipe. Just to make sure there was no chance of escape.

It is still there now and although it looked like it could have bitten the leg off an elephant, it doesn't appear to be able to bite through sellotape. I know this because I checked that the sellotape was intact by bravely poking it and putting the hoover on at random spells to make sure the spider was still safely being held captive.

If it is an asthmatic spider or a spider with hayfever then I am afraid life won't be too good for it at the moment but at least I can sleep at night now.

I don't know what on earth my neighbours thought. Either that I was being murdered by a serial killer who is OCD with housework or that hoovering was the pleasurable, that I was screaming with the joy of it.

If only they knew the horrific truth :o).


14 August 2011

A New Beginning.





Things have moved on a lot in my life since I was last blogging regularly.

I have had just about the toughest year of my life mostly due to my own sister who decided to get involved with an absolute scumbag. This utter lowlife never liked me and when my sister packed her stuff and did a flit with this scumbag without paying me back the £100 she owed me, I text her to ask that she pay me back as I could not afford to write that amount of money off.
This resulted in her wonderful boyfriend starting up a six month campaign threatening that he knew where I kept my horse and where I walked the dogs so he'd be after me either with his sister to do me over or a can of petrol and a lighter.
His e
xact words were "you think you're so brave? Watch out because I know where you walk your dog and where you ride your horse and by the time I've finished with you, you'll barely be able to breathe, let alone walk and as for your face, nobody will want you again".
My sister's words to this were
"Yeah? What do you want me to do about it?".

I've written her out of my life and I won't be threatened like that. Sadly, I did have to get the police involved as there is only so much verbal abuse I will take and threats like that are actually quite scary when you know that the person making them has been had up in court for GBH and putting a man in hospital.
He threatened to let my horse out on to the
main road or slash her and as he knew the house and the dogs, to break in and cause untold damage.
I haven't heard anything from them for a good few months now and I hope it stays that way. I've sacrificed my relationship with my sister but she has changed and I don't want those sort of people in my life. If and when she sees the light with him, I will be civil to her but I will never again trust her or have too much to do with her.


I have moved in to a lovely new flat and found someone who actually treats me like a Princess. He calls when he says he will, is here when he says he will be and moves heaven and earth to see me as often as he can even though work and shiftwork dictates that it's sometimes not that easy. For somebody to travel 300 miles to see me, spend 24 hours with me and travel 300 miles back is dedication in my book. He makes me happy and I have a sneaking suspicion this one is for keeps. Most of the old insecurities have gone and he makes me a better person.

My brother who has had various problems with drug addiction and other issues has finally been diagnosed with something. Apparently, he is Bipolar. He has been receiving counselling and is a much better and nicer person than I have ever known him to be although he still has his difficult episodes.

I have gained another pet in the form of a house rabbit who is absolutely adorable. She is cheeky, trouble but very affectionate. According to my boyfriend, she reminds him of me!

The Red Setter has gone from a gangly and soppy pup to this:





This is one of my very favourite pictures of him because it shows exactly the sort of dog he is in his face :o). I adore him and he knows it!




And this is my lovely little rabbit :o).




I love this picture of her as it shows her inquisitve and cheeky little character :o)






:o)




11 August 2011

Life Imitating Art.

I am back!

I will have a much more serious post on this topic but for now, I bet nobody realised quite how apt this track would become seven years after it's original release.