15 February 2012

Sex Pest.

I have a lovely friend, she is one of those who has become my friend through somebody else. She has a heart of gold, hasn't had that easy a life at all but ploughs on regardless, never moans but has one fault and that is that is that if she were male she'd probably have been locked up by now!

As I say, S is a lovely girl but doesn't get the term 'too much information'. It was a girl's night out on Saturday night and whilst we were getting ready at M's (mutual friend's flat), S was saying how she was feeling like a born-again virgin so M and I were trying to be helpful and suggest maybe her man was feeling stressed with work or something. I should point out here that although S is in no way 'easy' she (as she puts it) "has needs". I think this guy she is seeing is probably concerned for his male welfare being as she's cornered him in the shower before now as well as tried to jump his bones first thing in the morning :-D.

We thought the conversation was drawing to a close when S came out with possibly one of the top five things she's ever come out with and that was "FFS, I made a romantic meal and everything the other night, I even smuggled some Horny Goat Weed in to his drink and even that didn't work!"

*slightly stunned silence from M and I*

GND: "You spiked his drink?"

S: "No! It's not spiking, it was herbal! I'm pretty sure it was anyway."

M: "Herbal or not that's bordering on date rape! It must be illegal in some way to do that. It has to be!"

S: "It would have been if it had actually worked."

GND: "S, do you think maybe it would help if you acted like a sexual woman instead of an oversexed rabbit or wannabe sex pest?"

S: "I'm just trying to be persuasive, encouraging. Nice things!"

It then comes out that she has tried sexy underwear and that's failed too. She is as tiny as me, same tiny size 2 feet as me and we both look much younger than mid-late 20s so no wonder the poor Street Pastors we passed in the highstreet looked actually quite concerned for their bodies when she was asking me about corsets and said "well he loves corsets and French knickers so if that doesn't work then I need to start looking at supplements or something because I don't know what else to do".

As was discussed during hangover talk on Sunday morning, my words were that she is a female version of Quagmire from Family Guy and M's boyfriend came out with the words "no wonder the poor bastard is running scared. She's probably drained him dry and sapped him of all reserves and energy. It's probably as much as he can do to get out of the bed in the morning!"

I should point out that none of this is said disparagingly and she knows about all of it and just laughs but honestly, I think men see her, find her little and cute and sweet and behind closed doors I think she leaves them running scared half the time.

Life's never boring with her around but I do have some sympathy for the poor guy :-D.


cogidubnus said...

Bloody hell...that's coming on rather more than a bit strong...

"I do have some sympathy for the poor guy"

Me too...

ps. what's her address ;-)

cogidubnus said...

Comment Moderation's come off - was that deliberate?

Girl*Next*Door said...

Cogi, I'm actually quite concerned that she will put the poor guy off women for life :-D.

As for the address comment, LOL! :-D

Comment moderation isn't really moderation as such. I've just enabled the spam filter and although it keeps the spam from being posted, sometimes legitimate comments get held in moderation too :-). Both of your comments appeared on this post fine but your comment on the previous post got held in moderation. I think the spam filter is female and goes from you being in her good to being in her bad books in the blink of an eye! :-D

JR said...

GND are you seriously saying this girl can out-run her other half when horizontal jogging?... Does she have a sister?

Surprisingly, at the moment, a woman can't rape a man. The use of "herbal supplements" (or viagra) might change this.

Hope your "friend" can be suitably sater :-p


Annette said...

I'm sorry but I thought this was hilarious.
I should think all men will keep away from her!!!!
As for spiking his drink if someone did that to me, I would kill them!!!

Girl*Next*Door said...

JR, that's exactly what I'm saying :-D. Ha! No, no sister. She is an only child and maybe that is a good thing! :-D.

Apparently things are on the up after a conversation a couple of days ago. I still feel sorry for the poor guy! That doesn't stop me giggling about it though :-D.

Annette, it was a rather amusing conversation. I too was a bit shocked at the Horny Goat Weed revelation though :-O :-D.

JR said...

GND, "things are on the up"? Ooh err missus;-)