9 August 2012

Wonderful.




Well how bloody wonderful to find out your ex good friend is not far off being a complete sexual deviant, not to mention complete pervert and user as well as preying on vulnerable situations and people.

I'm not going to post details because I really don't want to but I feel sick at the knowledge of what a front he has put on and sick at the thought that he is so convincing and so 'normal'. How the fuck did somebody like that get in to my life? Let alone manage to stay in it for a couple of years and be a trusted friend. I consider myself to be a good judge of character but feel massively knocked right now as I never even had the slightest hint of suspicion about this person.

I wish I'd let things lay and I wish I'd never uncovered what I have but if I'd not stood up to him, this would have carried on.
It's nothing to do with kids and sexual stuff but it's close to the bone and his behaviour is a tick list of predatory behaviour and I was too blind to see it happening. It's only speaking to somebody trusted that is in the police that's made me realise it isn't me over-reacting, it's not me being paranoid and it's not me seeing more than there is to see but when six other women hear what's gone on between me and this friend on the social grapevine and each come to you saying he's done something to them that they weren't happy with but that wasn't really non-consensual, what do you say?
Okay, so he's not chasing children but he is grooming vulnerable women and girls. I've seen the messages and it is grooming, a gradual drip drip drip of compliments and gaining of trust and confidence before he swoops in and takes advantage.

I'm not going to turn my back because to be quite honest, I'd be livid if my sister ended up in the situation these girls have ended up in.

It's okay to have casual relationships but it's not okay to do what he's done and the fact he's a 34 year old man that's got tangled up with a 16 year old and also got tangled up with a very vulnerable girl on the horsey scene who was raped a couple of years ago and not only used her to sleep with but also turned round and said "you know, the only way you're going to get over your rape is to re-enact it with me and create your own memories of it but I should be the one to do it." That actually makes me feel sick to the pit of my stomach.

 Every girl who's come to me has been or is vulnrable either emotionally, mentally or just not in a good place. Not one of them are a strong or indepenent woman, not one of them.

His tried and tested method is to be a 'shoulder' to cry on, then start with the compliments and the 'you're such a  lovely person' type stuff, then weedle his way in to their knickers and tell them how beautiful etc they are, then say 'you're really low on confidence, how about I take some photos of you to show you how lovely you are?' and when I say photos, I mean photos you wouldn't have in the family album.
When girls decide they don't want anything to do with him, he makes mention that he has these photos or if they remember him taking them. I don't agree with the naked/semi-naked photo thing myself but I do realise that lots of people do it and lots of people fall in to the trap of trusting somebody to take photos like that.

Every single girl has had the same method used and every single girl, he has photos of. Sorry, I don't consider that normal. Not at all, what normal man wants photos of EVERY girl he sees and more to the point, keeps them?

The issue with it is, he's only insinuated rather than outright threatened. I cannot believe I considered somebody like that a friend, I cannot believe he came across as so nice and normal and I cannot believe I didn't see a hint of this behaviour. So many times I went out for a drink with him and didn't mind being alone with him because I trusted him and now I wonder if he could hide that much, what else is he hiding? 

It's not the bed hopping that genuinely concerns me and it's not quite so much the fact he isn't upfront about the fact he is shagging others (that's morally wrong but not more than that). What worries me is that he only goes for vulnerable/messed up girls and clearly isn't immune to going for young girls either. I know myself that younger girls can end up in good relationships with an older man but I don't know of any other 34 year old man who goes after not only one 16 year old but others around the same age range. Maybe I'm being old fashioned but I don't consider it normal for a man of that age to go for a girl that young.

All he has relied on is that these women won't speak to each other or anyone else about him out of fear. The irony of it is, it's only all burst out in to the open because he accused me of being a bully and I refused to have any more to do with him, these girls came to me, asked why and then slowly but surely it all started to come out.

In his mind, or so I've been told, it's all my fault and he has had somebody pass all of my FB posts back to him for him to keep 'for his records'. This has lead to me paring my FB account right back to people I really really trust, not posting on any horse groups I used to post on and keeping my FB settings locked down as much as possible (always have kept them locked down to private and thank goodness!). A friend said "go to the police about that!" 
What? Waste time for a trivial thing and bore some poor sod with the dreaded F word and yet another fall out where social networking has a part to play? No, sorry, I'd be embarrassed to walk in and 'report' something like that.

He is a bastard and I hope one day very soon it all catches up with him. I don't think I could feel any more repulsed if I tried :-(.




2 comments:

cogidubnus said...

"This has lead to me paring my FB account right back to people I really really trust, not posting on any horse groups I used to post on and keeping my FB settings locked down as much as possible (always have kept them locked down to private and thank goodness!)"

Very wise on both counts...

"go to the police about that!
What? Waste time for a trivial thing and bore some poor sod with the dreaded F word and yet another fall out where social networking has a part to play? No, sorry, I'd be embarrassed to walk in and 'report' something like that"

Fair enough, but at the VERY first sign of any escalation, you know you have to, don't you...

All the best

Cogi

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